History jokes

What do you call a Roman with hair in his teeth? A "glad-he-ate-her".

This chess game against America and England is getting interesting. First, America lost both of its towers, but now England has lost its queen.

What’s the difference between emos and Hitler?

Hitler didn’t post on social media when he wanted to kill himself.

I wonder if [I] would have rekt Hitler in a 1v1 build battle in Fortnite.

What do bicycles and slaves have in common? They both use chains to work.

Why do Native Americans hate snow? Because it's white and settles on their land.

"Sir, we're mining too many useless mineral ores."

Hitler: "Mine less, then."

Grammar Nazi bursts in: "MINE FEWER!"

Hitler looks over: "Yes?"

What 3 words started Jeffery Dahmer's cannibalism?

This isn't ketchup.

We really should erect a statue of the guy who killed Hitler.

Why is America better than Japan at rapping?

Because we're better at dropping bombs.

What's the difference between Isaac Newton and the baby I just stabbed to death?

Isaac Newton died a virgin.

I own a gun with Nazi rounds and shot a guy who broke into my house. He said, “Did you just shoot me with a Nazi round?” and I replied, “Do you mean Nein millimeter?”

The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve. It was an apple, but with extremely limited memory. Just 1 byte. And then everything crashed.

People in 1912: "Titanic is unstoppable, even God couldn't sink this ship."

God: "Bet, where are my icebergs?"

The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve. It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte. And then everything crashed.

Jesus created the T-pose first.

Hippity hoppity, Hiroshima, Nagasaki.

Why do Japanese people hate Christmas?

Because the last time a "FatMan" went down their chimney they lost half of their population.

What's white with black spots? A cotton field from above.