History jokes
Captain of the Titanic: “Where’s all that f***ing water coming from?”
"Watch out, there's an iceberg!"
Other person: "We will be fine."
10 minutes later, drowns, says, "We will be fine."
Julius Caesar (salad) made easy.
There are 6 kinds of vitamins. Wanna know how the 6th vitamin was made? Just ask the Ku Klux Klan, they will tell you.
Once a knight was called a "kuhnigitt," that's because he was one!
Memes
When Pope Pius IX died, he went to Heaven, knocked at the door, and St. Peter opened it: "Who are you? What do you want?”
"I am Pope Pius. I want to come to Heaven.”
“Where do you come from?"
"Rome."
“What do you mean? Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"No, Rome, Italy, of course."
“I'm very sorry, but I do not know you!”
To make sure not to erroneously deny access to an authorized person, Saint Peter takes the telephone, calls up God, and asks: "Hello, Boss, here is a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome, do you know him?"
"What do you mean: Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"No, Rome, Italy, of course."
"No, sorry, I don’t know him.”
Saint Peter makes another telephone call and rings up Jesus: "Hello, Junior, here’s a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome, do you know him?"
"Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"Rome, Italy."
"No, sorry, never heard of him.”
Saint Peter still does not give up and finally calls up the Holy Ghost and asks: "Hello, Smoky, here is a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome. Do you know him?"
"What does he mean, Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"He says Rome, Italy."
"No, sorry, I’m afraid I do not know this guy." But then, after a very short while, he continues: "Wait, wait, tell me, is that the guy who invented the damn story about Mary and me?"
Hitler is amazing; he's dead but still alive because he did Nazi death coming. It never happened.
Did Jesus die a virgin?
No... He got nailed! 😅
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
Licka-lotta-puss.
Why were the Twin Towers angry?
They ordered pepperoni, and all they got was plane.
IX + X = XXI. So XXI is two legions into one.
My grandad killed Hitler. He was such a great man!
Yo mama is so old that her first Christmas was the first Christmas!
Why did the towers fall? Because someone in Call of Duty hijacked the planes and crashed them into it.
9/11 hahahahaha. Lawrence, I hope you read this!
Why can't Americans play chess? Because they lost their 2 towers.
Why are Americans bad at Clash Royale? Because they lost their 2 towers.
Why were the people in 911 devastated?
They ordered extra flavored pepperoni pizza, but all they got was plane.
Yo mama so old, she got nostalgia for the Big Bang!
Kenneth's hairline [is] friends with Moses.
Why did the French call Napoleon "Napo?" Because it is Napo[leon].