History jokes
Once a knight was called a "kuhnigitt," that's because he was one!
Captain of the Titanic: “Where’s all that f***ing water coming from?”
"Watch out, there's an iceberg!"
Other person: "We will be fine."
10 minutes later, drowns, says, "We will be fine."
There are 6 kinds of vitamins. Wanna know how the 6th vitamin was made? Just ask the Ku Klux Klan, they will tell you.
When Pope Pius IX died, he went to Heaven, knocked at the door, and St. Peter opened it: "Who are you? What do you want?”
"I am Pope Pius. I want to come to Heaven.”
“Where do you come from?"
"Rome."
“What do you mean? Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"No, Rome, Italy, of course."
“I'm very sorry, but I do not know you!”
To make sure not to erroneously deny access to an authorized person, Saint Peter takes the telephone, calls up God, and asks: "Hello, Boss, here is a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome, do you know him?"
"What do you mean: Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"No, Rome, Italy, of course."
"No, sorry, I don’t know him.”
Saint Peter makes another telephone call and rings up Jesus: "Hello, Junior, here’s a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome, do you know him?"
"Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"Rome, Italy."
"No, sorry, never heard of him.”
Saint Peter still does not give up and finally calls up the Holy Ghost and asks: "Hello, Smoky, here is a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome. Do you know him?"
"What does he mean, Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"He says Rome, Italy."
"No, sorry, I’m afraid I do not know this guy." But then, after a very short while, he continues: "Wait, wait, tell me, is that the guy who invented the damn story about Mary and me?"
It's even better when they get charged by a 19 yo with a funny boom boom stick
Hitler is amazing; he's dead but still alive because he did Nazi death coming. It never happened.
Did Jesus die a virgin?
No... He got nailed! 😅
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
Licka-lotta-puss.
Why were the Twin Towers angry?
They ordered pepperoni, and all they got was plane.
IX + X = XXI. So XXI is two legions into one.
My grandad killed Hitler. He was such a great man!
What do I think about the Kennedy assassination?
First of all, he should have had a roof on that car.
Hey, don’t Orpheus have friends because people do have family?
My dad died in 9/11....
He was a good driver.
Why can't Americans play chess? Because they lost their 2 towers.
Why are Americans bad at Clash Royale? Because they lost their 2 towers.
Why were the people in 911 devastated?
They ordered extra flavored pepperoni pizza, but all they got was plane.
9/11 hahahahaha. Lawrence, I hope you read this!
What's Osama bin Laden's favorite song?
"Under the Sea," from The Little Mermaid.
And together we will make America great again.
You were never great in the first place.
The Twin Towers.