History jokes

What was the Roman Empire cut in half by?

A pair of Caesars.

I'm pretty sure that 9/11 was the biggest game of Jenga ever recorded in history.

Why are Americans so bad at Clash Royale?

Because they’ve already lost 2 towers.

My grandpa killed 100 German soldiers; he was the worst German pilot ever.

My friend group is pretty diverse. I'm Japanese, one friend is Filipino, one is American, one is Italian, and the last one is German.

Out of everyone in the friend group, the Filipino and the American were the quickest to feel uncomfortable when I asked, "Who wants to go on a march with me?"

I was hit on by President Kennedy, too bad I shot him down.

What 3 words started Jeffery Dahmer's cannibalism?

This isn't ketchup.

Why do people keep on making jokes about the twin towers?

Because they go down so well.

So, if the reason people used to hang women was because they were seen as witches back in the day, if boys were to be hung, would they be called wizards?

Did you know the Titanic swimming pool is still full?

Frank: "I am named Frank because my grandpa lived in Frankfurt during his best years."

Finley: "I am named Finley because my grandmother was in Finland during her early twenties!"

Mia: "Can we please change the subject?"

Roses are red, eggs come in a dozen, do I need to revive Hitler to teach you how to use a goddamn oven?

Mickey Mouse is speaking with a divorce attorney...

...and the attorney says, "I'm sorry Mickey, I've gone over all of Minnie's medical history and I find no evidence of mental illness."

To which Mickey replies, "I didn't say she's crazy! I said she's fucking Goofy!"

What's the same with shoes and slaves?

When they get loose, you tie them up.

Are you an archaeologist? Because I’ve got a bone for you to examine.

Why was the Tower of Pisa always leaning?

Cuz it wanted better accuracy than the Twin Towers.

9/11 jokes are the bomb.

I looked up "I have whiplash" on WebMD, and it diagnosed me with slavery.

Ruin a quote by attributing it to the wrong person.

"Don't cry because it is over. Smile because it happened." -Adolf Hitler, 1945.

What do you call a group of black people in a shed?

Antique farm equipment.