History jokes

My friend group is pretty diverse. I'm Japanese, one friend is Filipino, one is American, one is Italian, and the last one is German.

Out of everyone in the friend group, the Filipino and the American were the quickest to feel uncomfortable when I asked, "Who wants to go on a march with me?"

I was hit on by President Kennedy, too bad I shot him down.

What 3 words started Jeffery Dahmer's cannibalism?

This isn't ketchup.

Did you know the Titanic swimming pool is still full?

So, if the reason people used to hang women was because they were seen as witches back in the day, if boys were to be hung, would they be called wizards?

Are you an archaeologist? Because I’ve got a bone for you to examine.

Frank: "I am named Frank because my grandpa lived in Frankfurt during his best years."

Finley: "I am named Finley because my grandmother was in Finland during her early twenties!"

Mia: "Can we please change the subject?"

Why did the Japanese NOT shoot down the American plane that was dropping atomic bombs?

From what their eyes saw, it was a piece of rice.

Ruin a quote by attributing it to the wrong person.

"Don't cry because it is over. Smile because it happened." -Adolf Hitler, 1945.

Why did Hitler turn to genocide after a failed career as an artist?

He never learned to mix the colors.

Why was the Tower of Pisa always leaning?

Cuz it wanted better accuracy than the Twin Towers.

9/11 jokes are the bomb.

Mickey Mouse is speaking with a divorce attorney...

...and the attorney says, "I'm sorry Mickey, I've gone over all of Minnie's medical history and I find no evidence of mental illness."

To which Mickey replies, "I didn't say she's crazy! I said she's fucking Goofy!"

Roses are red, eggs come in a dozen, do I need to revive Hitler to teach you how to use a goddamn oven?

Where was Moses when the lights went out? - In the dark!

"the floor is lava!"

- everyone, Pompeii 79 A.D.

Why was Hitler bad at math?

He could only count to nein.

When the teacher calls on you and asks you how many people did Hitler kill?

"One, he killed himself."

Why does 9/11 only get a day, but Pride gets an entire month?

Because pride is a bigger tragedy.

What type of camp does a kid with ADHD go to?

Concentration camp.