History jokes

Who was purple and wanted to rule the world?

Alexander the Grape.

Why do Asians have squinty eyes?

Because atomic bombs are pretty damn bright.

I banged a German chick one time. I tried anal and asked her to rate the experience. She kept yelling "9! 9! 9!"

On September 11th, 2001, the New York Giants lost against the Jets.

What do you call a crowd of horny white women?

A field of cotton waiting to be picked.

Why don't black people go on cruises? They're not falling for that one again.

why are people in japan so slim? because the last time a fatman came, they lost half their population.

Where did JFK go in his car? I am not sure of his intentional destination, but he did go everywhere.

Why is America better than Japan at rapping?

Because we're better at dropping bombs.

I remember when I was a kid, I thought the world used to be colorless.

I was kinda right. They used to not let colors in a lot of areas.

Why did Adolf Hitler like nuts? He only had one.

The gas prices are going up so much that even Hitler is killing himself.

I wonder if the Titanic still sells fish?

What do you call an angry Texan?

A Confederate leader.

When China built the Great Wall, the Mongols invaded them and founded the Yuan dynasty. With Trump building his wall, will the Mexicans invade the US and found the Juan dynasty?

What was the Roman Empire cut in half by?

A pair of Caesars.

My grandpa killed 100 German soldiers; he was the worst German pilot ever.

I'm pretty sure that 9/11 was the biggest game of Jenga ever recorded in history.

I can’t watch anime anymore when my friend’s grandpa is in the house.

He hasn’t heard a Japanese person scream since the war.

My friend group is pretty diverse. I'm Japanese, one friend is Filipino, one is American, one is Italian, and the last one is German.

Out of everyone in the friend group, the Filipino and the American were the quickest to feel uncomfortable when I asked, "Who wants to go on a march with me?"