History jokes
Why does 9/11 only get a day, but Pride gets an entire month?
Because pride is a bigger tragedy.
What type of camp does a kid with ADHD go to?
Concentration camp.
Why do Nazis not wear necklaces, rings, and bracelets? Because they hate jewelry.
Osama Bin Laden is his name.
Crashing planes is his game.
Me traveling back in time to tell Americans there will be a big tsunami on 9/11/2001, and to survive it they have to climb the two tallest buildings in New York.
Memes
My mind was blown when I saw all the people waving at me.
-JFK
What is the worst thing about breaking up with a Japanese girl?
You need to drop the bomb twice on her before she gets it.
Why did Hitler stop playing Golf?
He kept getting stuck in the Bunker.
Why were the Twin Towers mad? Because they ordered pepperoni pizza, but all they got was plane.
What did the fat man say as he entered Nagasaki?
Nothing, he just exploded.
Everyone's had a mind-blowing day before, just ask JFK.
Q: When and where was the biggest BBQ ever?
A: Hiroshima, Japan 1946.
I was rooting for Donald Trump to be president.
We haven't had a presidential assassination in a while.
In a normal country, they have lemonade. In Soviet Russia, they have Leninade: "Refresh yourself with a cold war."
Sir William Herschel discovered Uranus in 1781, 200 years before you were born. How did he do that?
Why did Hitler kill himself? He saw the gas bill.
The only person I'd have a cooking lesson with is Hitler.
What do you call a group of black people in a shed?
Antique farm equipment.
Why can't Americans play chess?
Because they're missing two towers.
A man walks into a bar.
Then he walks into a Pole.
Then the Pole says, "I surrender, Heil Hitler!"