History jokes
When the teacher calls on you and asks you how many people did Hitler kill?
"One, he killed himself."
What type of camp does a kid with ADHD go to?
Concentration camp.
Osama Bin Laden is his name.
Crashing planes is his game.
Me traveling back in time to tell Americans there will be a big tsunami on 9/11/2001, and to survive it they have to climb the two tallest buildings in New York.
Why does 9/11 only get a day, but Pride gets an entire month?
Because pride is a bigger tragedy.
Memes
My mind was blown when I saw all the people waving at me.
-JFK
What is the worst thing about breaking up with a Japanese girl?
You need to drop the bomb twice on her before she gets it.
Why did Hitler stop playing Golf?
He kept getting stuck in the Bunker.
Why were the Twin Towers mad? Because they ordered pepperoni pizza, but all they got was plane.
What did the fat man say as he entered Nagasaki?
Nothing, he just exploded.
Why do we not have female magicians? Because last time we had them, we burned them alive.
Everyone's had a mind-blowing day before, just ask JFK.
Q: When and where was the biggest BBQ ever?
A: Hiroshima, Japan 1946.
I was rooting for Donald Trump to be president.
We haven't had a presidential assassination in a while.
"Sir, we're mining too many useless mineral ores."
Hitler: "Mine less, then."
Grammar Nazi bursts in: "MINE FEWER!"
Hitler looks over: "Yes?"
In a normal country, they have lemonade. In Soviet Russia, they have Leninade: "Refresh yourself with a cold war."
Sir William Herschel discovered Uranus in 1781, 200 years before you were born. How did he do that?
Why did Hitler kill himself? He saw the gas bill.
The only person I'd have a cooking lesson with is Hitler.
Why is the Leaning Tower of Pisa leaning? Because it has faster reflexes than the Twin Towers.