History jokes
What do you call a group of black people in a shed?
Antique farm equipment.
Frank: "I am named Frank because my grandpa lived in Frankfurt during his best years."
Finley: "I am named Finley because my grandmother was in Finland during her early twenties!"
Mia: "Can we please change the subject?"
Are you an archaeologist? Because I’ve got a bone for you to examine.
Why was the Tower of Pisa always leaning?
Cuz it wanted better accuracy than the Twin Towers.
What's the same with shoes and slaves?
When they get loose, you tie them up.
Mickey Mouse is speaking with a divorce attorney...
...and the attorney says, "I'm sorry Mickey, I've gone over all of Minnie's medical history and I find no evidence of mental illness."
To which Mickey replies, "I didn't say she's crazy! I said she's fucking Goofy!"
Roses are red, eggs come in a dozen, do I need to revive Hitler to teach you how to use a goddamn oven?
A man walks into a bar.
Then he walks into a Pole.
Then the Pole says, "I surrender, Heil Hitler!"
Next time you see a Brit, go up to them and say:
"Imagine losing a 'Tea Party in Boston.'"
9/11 jokes are the bomb.
My mind was blown when I saw all the people waving at me.
-JFK
"Sir, we're mining too many useless mineral ores."
Hitler: "Mine less, then."
Grammar Nazi bursts in: "MINE FEWER!"
Hitler looks over: "Yes?"
Where was Moses when the lights went out? - In the dark!
I wasn’t understanding what I had to do for homework, so my teacher said, “Let me break it down for you like the Twin Towers.”
Why was Hitler bad at math?
He could only count to nein.
When the teacher calls on you and asks you how many people did Hitler kill?
"One, he killed himself."
Me traveling back in time to tell Americans there will be a big tsunami on 9/11/2001, and to survive it they have to climb the two tallest buildings in New York.
Why does 9/11 only get a day, but Pride gets an entire month?
Because pride is a bigger tragedy.
What’s George Floyd’s favorite color? Neon black.
Osama Bin Laden is his name.
Crashing planes is his game.