History jokes
I was hit on by President Kennedy, too bad I shot him down.
Why do people keep on making jokes about the twin towers?
Because they go down so well.
Did you know the Titanic swimming pool is still full?
Frank: "I am named Frank because my grandpa lived in Frankfurt during his best years."
Finley: "I am named Finley because my grandmother was in Finland during her early twenties!"
Mia: "Can we please change the subject?"
Are you an archaeologist? Because I’ve got a bone for you to examine.
Why was the Tower of Pisa always leaning?
Cuz it wanted better accuracy than the Twin Towers.
What's the same with shoes and slaves?
When they get loose, you tie them up.
Mickey Mouse is speaking with a divorce attorney...
...and the attorney says, "I'm sorry Mickey, I've gone over all of Minnie's medical history and I find no evidence of mental illness."
To which Mickey replies, "I didn't say she's crazy! I said she's fucking Goofy!"
Next time you see a Brit, go up to them and say:
"Imagine losing a 'Tea Party in Boston.'"
9/11 jokes are the bomb.
Why are the Twin Towers and genders so similar?
Because there used to be two of them, but it's offensive to joke about that now.
What was Hitler’s favorite sex position?
Sixty nein.
My mind was blown when I saw all the people waving at me.
-JFK
"Sir, we're mining too many useless mineral ores."
Hitler: "Mine less, then."
Grammar Nazi bursts in: "MINE FEWER!"
Hitler looks over: "Yes?"
Why was Hitler bad at math?
He could only count to nein.
Where was Moses when the lights went out? - In the dark!
I wasn’t understanding what I had to do for homework, so my teacher said, “Let me break it down for you like the Twin Towers.”
When the teacher calls on you and asks you how many people did Hitler kill?
"One, he killed himself."
Me traveling back in time to tell Americans there will be a big tsunami on 9/11/2001, and to survive it they have to climb the two tallest buildings in New York.
Why does 9/11 only get a day, but Pride gets an entire month?
Because pride is a bigger tragedy.