Why was JFK stupid? He only had half a brain.
Why does 9/11 only get a day, but Pride gets an entire month?
Because pride is a bigger tragedy.
Article 1: the Titanic is practically unsinkable.
Article 4: the Titanic sank.
What are the two hottest cities in the world? Hiroshima and Nagasaki.
A man walks into a bar.
Then he walks into a Pole.
Then the Pole says, "I surrender, Heil Hitler!"
Mickey Mouse is speaking with a divorce attorney...
...and the attorney says, "I'm sorry Mickey, I've gone over all of Minnie's medical history and I find no evidence of mental illness."
To which Mickey replies, "I didn't say she's crazy! I said she's fucking Goofy!"
Why did Hitler turn to genocide after a failed career as an artist?
He never learned to mix the colors.
Why do Asians have squinty eyes?
Because atomic bombs are pretty damn bright.
Q: When and where was the biggest BBQ ever?
A: Hiroshima, Japan 1946.
Why do Americans suck at chess? Because they lost two towers.
How do you make any salad into a Caesar salad? You stab it 23 times.
Why are Americans so bad at chess?
Because they lost two towers.
You can't say Hitler was a bad person. He did kill Hitler after all.
Everyone's had a mind-blowing day before, just ask JFK.
Why do we not have female magicians? Because last time we had them, we burned them alive.
I think Abraham Lincoln was gay because a guy shot from behind.
Why are the Americans good at Rubik's cubes? Because they have a long history of separating colors.
Crucifixion was the first T-pose.
Bad Hitler puns are infuhrerating.
In a normal country, they have lemonade. In Soviet Russia, they have Leninade: "Refresh yourself with a cold war."
