History jokes
My mind was blown when I saw all the people waving at me.
-JFK
I was rooting for Donald Trump to be president.
We haven't had a presidential assassination in a while.
Sir William Herschel discovered Uranus in 1781, 200 years before you were born. How did he do that?
Why was JFK stupid? He only had half a brain.
Why does 9/11 only get a day, but Pride gets an entire month?
Because pride is a bigger tragedy.
Why did Hitler turn to genocide after a failed career as an artist?
He never learned to mix the colors.
What are the two hottest cities in the world? Hiroshima and Nagasaki.
Article 1: the Titanic is practically unsinkable.
Article 4: the Titanic sank.
A man walks into a bar.
Then he walks into a Pole.
Then the Pole says, "I surrender, Heil Hitler!"
Help, my ADHD is so bad that not even I can focus in a concentration camp.
What do Civil War veterans and pedophiles have in common?
They both prefer Minnie (mini) balls.
Ruin a quote by attributing it to the wrong person.
"Don't cry because it is over. Smile because it happened." -Adolf Hitler, 1945.
Why did the slave go to college?
To get his master's degree.
Your hairline is so far back, even the slaves can't plant that shit back.
What do you call a group of black people in a shed?
Antique farm equipment.
Q: When and where was the biggest BBQ ever?
A: Hiroshima, Japan 1946.
Why do Americans suck at chess? Because they lost two towers.
Why do we not have female magicians? Because last time we had them, we burned them alive.
Everyone's had a mind-blowing day before, just ask JFK.
You can't say Hitler was a bad person. He did kill Hitler after all.