History jokes
Where was Moses when the lights went out? - In the dark!
I wasn’t understanding what I had to do for homework, so my teacher said, “Let me break it down for you like the Twin Towers.”
Why was Hitler bad at math?
He could only count to nein.
When the teacher calls on you and asks you how many people did Hitler kill?
"One, he killed himself."
Me traveling back in time to tell Americans there will be a big tsunami on 9/11/2001, and to survive it they have to climb the two tallest buildings in New York.
Why does 9/11 only get a day, but Pride gets an entire month?
Because pride is a bigger tragedy.
Osama Bin Laden is his name.
Crashing planes is his game.
What type of camp does a kid with ADHD go to?
Concentration camp.
My mind was blown when I saw all the people waving at me.
-JFK
What is the worst thing about breaking up with a Japanese girl?
You need to drop the bomb twice on her before she gets it.
Why did Hitler stop playing Golf?
He kept getting stuck in the Bunker.
Why were the Twin Towers mad? Because they ordered pepperoni pizza, but all they got was plane.
In a normal country, they have lemonade. In Soviet Russia, they have Leninade: "Refresh yourself with a cold war."
"Sir, we're mining too many useless mineral ores."
Hitler: "Mine less, then."
Grammar Nazi bursts in: "MINE FEWER!"
Hitler looks over: "Yes?"
Why do Americans suck at chess? Because they lost two towers.
What did the fat man say as he entered Nagasaki?
Nothing, he just exploded.
Why do we not have female magicians? Because last time we had them, we burned them alive.
Everyone's had a mind-blowing day before, just ask JFK.
Q: When and where was the biggest BBQ ever?
A: Hiroshima, Japan 1946.
I was rooting for Donald Trump to be president.
We haven't had a presidential assassination in a while.