History jokes
So, if the reason people used to hang women was because they were seen as witches back in the day, if boys were to be hung, would they be called wizards?
9/11 jokes are the bomb.
Why was the Tower of Pisa always leaning?
Cuz it wanted better accuracy than the Twin Towers.
Next time you see a Brit, go up to them and say:
"Imagine losing a 'Tea Party in Boston.'"
What do you call a group of black people in a shed?
Antique farm equipment.
Roses are red, eggs come in a dozen, do I need to revive Hitler to teach you how to use a goddamn oven?
What's the same with shoes and slaves?
When they get loose, you tie them up.
Are you an archaeologist? Because I’ve got a bone for you to examine.
Mickey Mouse is speaking with a divorce attorney...
...and the attorney says, "I'm sorry Mickey, I've gone over all of Minnie's medical history and I find no evidence of mental illness."
To which Mickey replies, "I didn't say she's crazy! I said she's fucking Goofy!"
Frank: "I am named Frank because my grandpa lived in Frankfurt during his best years."
Finley: "I am named Finley because my grandmother was in Finland during her early twenties!"
Mia: "Can we please change the subject?"
Ruin a quote by attributing it to the wrong person.
"Don't cry because it is over. Smile because it happened." -Adolf Hitler, 1945.
Where was Moses when the lights went out? - In the dark!
I wasn’t understanding what I had to do for homework, so my teacher said, “Let me break it down for you like the Twin Towers.”
Why was Hitler bad at math?
He could only count to nein.
When the teacher calls on you and asks you how many people did Hitler kill?
"One, he killed himself."
What type of camp does a kid with ADHD go to?
Concentration camp.
Me traveling back in time to tell Americans there will be a big tsunami on 9/11/2001, and to survive it they have to climb the two tallest buildings in New York.
Why does 9/11 only get a day, but Pride gets an entire month?
Because pride is a bigger tragedy.
Osama Bin Laden is his name.
Crashing planes is his game.
"Sir, we're mining too many useless mineral ores."
Hitler: "Mine less, then."
Grammar Nazi bursts in: "MINE FEWER!"
Hitler looks over: "Yes?"