History jokes
What was the first man made out of? Adams! (Atoms)
An orphan went up to Nikola Tesla and asked to travel in time. He then saw his parents put him in a building, saying, "You now live here!"
What is the difference between Michael Phelps and Hitler?...
Michael Phelps can finish a race.
My grandfather was the type of person who never threw anything away.
He died in World War II holding on to a hand grenade.
JFK and Abe Lincoln were some of the most open-minded presidents ever.
Memes
Genders are like the Twin Towers because there used to be two, now it's just a sensitive subject.
My phone is just like the Twin Towers; they got put in airplane mode.
What did Jesus say when he was left hanging on the cross?
"Well this is one hell of a way to spend my Easter vacation!"
Did you know that Jeffrey Dahmer was the first person to try Five Guys?
Yo mama's so old, she was a waitress at the Last Supper.
Want to know how you make any salad into a Caesar salad?
Stab it twenty-three times.
What was so funnyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?
The bomb.
Why do the Twin Towers have Elton John?
Because Elton "IS STILL STANDING".
My sister is so stupid, she thought LBJ was Spanish for blowjob.
The general proofreading Hitler's speeches was the original Grammar Nazi.
White people: *come to America, meet natives and take food, kill them, rape them, and enslave them.*
Natives: Can y-
White people: Hey, you remember all that horrible sh*t we did to you? Let's have a good laugh about it over dinner with your buddies and my new wives.
...
What were Princess Diana's last words?
Have you been Dri...?
Q: What is Hitler's least favorite grocery store?
A: Jew-Osco
How do you know if you're making a Caesar salad? Stabbing it 23 times.