History jokes
How did they know Princess Diana had dandruff?
They found her Head and Shoulders in the glove compartment.
Imagine the Russians showing up late to the 1917 revolution with a Tsarbucks in hand. They were late, so I guess they weren't Russian. They were probably Stalin.
Sniff a liter of petrol. You'll go back to the dream time at.
Sometimes you just need to take a drive through the city to clear your head.
-JFK
Hippity Hoppity, women are my property.
Bippity Boppity, get the f*ck off my property!
Who are the fastest readers? Nine-eleven victims, because they fell through 720 stories in under 10 seconds.
Q: What does a microwave and an M1 Garand have in common?
A: They both go “ping” when they’re done.
Why did Steven Hawking die?
A quad rasher ran him over.
Q: Did you hear about the Twin Towers?
A: No, what happened?
Q: Apparently, the design was fundamentally floored!
What’s worse than dropping your ice cream?
The Holocaust.
What's the difference between the baby I just killed and Isaac Newton?
Isaac Newton died a virgin.
The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve. It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte. And then everything crashed.
I knew the human race made mistakes, but you're the worst I've seen so far...
I don’t make 9/11 jokes; they have a tendency to crash and burn.
The last thing that went through Abe Lincoln's head was a bullet.
During WWI and WWII, the infantry would use shovels as weapons and to dig trenches. I bet they really dig that weapon!
Where does Caesar keep his armies?
Up his sleavies.
Knight HAHAHAHA!
Who are the fastest readers?
911 victims, they went through 72 stories in less than 10 seconds.
Kid: “What happened to Dad?”
Mom: “He flew into the Twin Towers.”