History jokes
What do you call a Roman with hair in his teeth?
A "glad-he-ate-her".
People are pushing for a new black Lady Liberty coin. I can't wait to use black people as currency again.
Eventually find me attractive.
Eventually find me attractive.
Eventually find me attractive.
Eventually find me attractive.
Eventually find me attractive.
Eventually find me attractive.
Eventually find me attractive.
Eventually find me attractive.
Eventually find me attractive.
Eventually find me attractive.
Eventually find me attractive.
Why was Jesus not good at Basketball?
Because he died in the Cross 😈
What is Beethoven doing right now?
Nothing, because he is dead.
Why can't Cleopatra ride a bicycle?
Because she's dead.
My favorite sex position is the JFK. I splatter all over her while she screams and tries to get out of the car.
How do you punish Helen Keller? You stick a toilet plunger in the toilet.
Why can't Helen Keller have kids? It went up too far.
Why do black people only have nightmares?
Because the last one that had a dream got shot.
My boss yelled at me the other day, “You’ve got to be the worst train driver in history. How many trains did you derail last year?”
I said, “Can’t say for sure, it’s so hard to keep track!”
Why is America bad at chess? We already lost two towers.
Who does Adolph Hitler call in an emergency?
Nein, nein, nein!
What did Hitler say after his parents bought a hauler?
How much did the haulla-cost?
How do Germans tie their shoes? Answer: In Nazis!
Question: What's brown and sitting on the piano bench?
Answer: Beethoven's last movement.
Why do people think Mozart was autistic?
Because he was probably retarded.
How do you kill a Catholic?
Crucify them...
Two wrongs don't make a right, but what do two Wrights make?
The first airplane.
Why are Americans bad chess players?
They lost two towers.
Why can't Helen Keller drive?
'Cause she's a woman.
No, really. Why can't she drive?
Because she died.