History jokes
Why can't Cleopatra ride a bicycle?
Because she's dead.
My favorite sex position is the JFK. I splatter all over her while she screams and tries to get out of the car.
How do you punish Helen Keller? You stick a toilet plunger in the toilet.
Why can't Helen Keller have kids? It went up too far.
My boss yelled at me the other day, “You’ve got to be the worst train driver in history. How many trains did you derail last year?”
I said, “Can’t say for sure, it’s so hard to keep track!”
Why is America bad at chess? We already lost two towers.
Who does Adolph Hitler call in an emergency?
Nein, nein, nein!
What did Hitler say after his parents bought a hauler?
How much did the haulla-cost?
How do Germans tie their shoes? Answer: In Nazis!
Question: What's brown and sitting on the piano bench?
Answer: Beethoven's last movement.
Why do people think Mozart was autistic?
Because he was probably retarded.
How do you kill a Catholic?
Crucify them...
Two wrongs don't make a right, but what do two Wrights make?
The first airplane.
Why are Americans bad chess players?
They lost two towers.
Why can't Helen Keller drive?
'Cause she's a woman.
No, really. Why can't she drive?
Because she died.
9/11.
So, apparently, Hitler's dad was quite the abusive fellow, always beating his son.
Guess that's why he's called (Hit)ler.
Your mama is so old that she forgot her donkey on Noah's Ark.
When China built the Great Wall, the Mongols invaded them and founded the Yuan dynasty. With Trump building his wall, will the Mexicans invade the US and found the Juan dynasty?
Why can't a dinosaur clap? Because it's dead.
What did the Nazi order from Wendy's?
Two number NEINs.