History jokes
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
She wasn’t wearing her seatbelt.
Did you know Princess Diana had dandruff? They found her head and shoulders all over the windshield.
What do you call a knight that has one arm? A first battle night.
What do you call a knight that lost both arms? A two battle useless knight.
My grandfather was there when the Titanic sank. He shouted 3 times that it was gonna sink until they finally kicked him out of the movie theater... haha
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 victims: they went through a hundred stories in 10 seconds.
An assassin is about to shoot his target, "I'm about to give you the JFK experience."
Titanic jokes sink in. Pun intended.
How did the British lose the War of 1812?
They were out-Britshed.
Why were parts of the Soviet Union that had more industry than agriculture occupied during WW2?
They couldn't beet the Nazis.
At the back of Abraham Lincoln's mind, next to the bullet hole, he was thinking about how slavery is wrong.
Whenever you think back to 9/11 and realize there are 12 hours in front of us, why the f*ck didn't they warn us?
Did you know my grandpa was part of World War 2? He killed Hitler.
Why is Martin Luther King so bad at laundry?
He won't separate the whites from the colors...
What's so bad about 9 divided by 11?
I was going to invite your friends to your birthday, but they were all extinct.
Ever notice 9-1-1 (the number for the po-po) is the Great Date (9-11)... Hmmm.
Why were the Twin Towers mad?
They ordered Domino's and got "gets".
Why were the Twin Towers sad?
They ordered Dominos and got Jets.
What do you call a Mongolian swindler?
A Khan artist.
I don't usually like to tell 9/11 jokes for two reasons: they're morally wrong, and they tend to crash and burn.
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
Lickalotopuss