Julius Caesar (salad) made easy.
Why were the Twin Towers angry?
They ordered pepperoni, and all they got was plane.
If museums are full of dead things...
Then why aren't there any memes inside them?
I've never seen my dad since September 11. I wonder where he is...
In a normal country, they have lemonade. In Soviet Russia, they have Leninade: "Refresh yourself with a cold war."
Who's the world's fastest reader?
9/11 victims. They went through 90 stories in 60 seconds.
Q. What sound does a sleeping T-Rex make?
A. A dino-snore.
What is the difference between a blond and a Nazi?
The blond survived.
Yo mama so old, she was there when Moses was born.
So, if the reason people used to hang women was because they were seen as witches back in the day, if boys were to be hung, would they be called wizards?
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
She wasn’t wearing her seatbelt.
Did you know Princess Diana had dandruff? They found her head and shoulders all over the windshield.
What do you call a knight that has one arm? A first battle night.
What do you call a knight that lost both arms? A two battle useless knight.
My grandfather was there when the Titanic sank. He shouted 3 times that it was gonna sink until they finally kicked him out of the movie theater... haha
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 victims: they went through a hundred stories in 10 seconds.
An assassin is about to shoot his target, "I'm about to give you the JFK experience."
Titanic jokes sink in. Pun intended.
How did the British lose the War of 1812?
They were out-Britshed.
Why were parts of the Soviet Union that had more industry than agriculture occupied during WW2?
They couldn't beet the Nazis.
At the back of Abraham Lincoln's mind, next to the bullet hole, he was thinking about how slavery is wrong.
Whenever you think back to 9/11 and realize there are 12 hours in front of us, why the f*ck didn't they warn us?
