History jokes
How did the British lose the War of 1812?
They were out-Britshed.
Why were parts of the Soviet Union that had more industry than agriculture occupied during WW2?
They couldn't beet the Nazis.
At the back of Abraham Lincoln's mind, next to the bullet hole, he was thinking about how slavery is wrong.
Whenever you think back to 9/11 and realize there are 12 hours in front of us, why the f*ck didn't they warn us?
Did you know my grandpa was part of World War 2? He killed Hitler.
Why is Martin Luther King so bad at laundry?
He won't separate the whites from the colors...
What's so bad about 9 divided by 11?
I was going to invite your friends to your birthday, but they were all extinct.
Ever notice 9-1-1 (the number for the po-po) is the Great Date (9-11)... Hmmm.
Why were the Twin Towers mad?
They ordered Domino's and got "gets".
Why were the Twin Towers sad?
They ordered Dominos and got Jets.
What do you call a Mongolian swindler?
A Khan artist.
I don't usually like to tell 9/11 jokes for two reasons: they're morally wrong, and they tend to crash and burn.
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
Lickalotopuss
There are 6 kinds of vitamins. Wanna know how the 6th vitamin was made? Just ask the Ku Klux Klan, they will tell you.
The second twin tower is like Canada. It doesn’t exist.
What did kings say when they were made king?
Allah ail (All hail) [insert name here]!
Welcome back to the hide and seek world championship! Osama Bin Laden vs. Anne Frank!
Why were the people during 9/11 mad? They ordered 2 sausage pizzas, but instead they got 2 plane pizzas.
"I don't want to go on my at-home history."
- My friend, anon 2019.