History jokes
Yo mama so fat it took her 3 seconds to cross the Great Wall of China.
How did Helen Keller burn her cheek? She answered the iron.
How did she burn the other cheek? They called back.
My grandfather has been through a lot in his time. When he was in the war, he survived a mustard gas attack. And later down the line, he survived being pepper sprayed by the police. He was certainly a real seasoned veteran.
I popped some fireworks and told my Vietnamese grandfather that World War 3 started.
Popcorn means Photo-Oxidant formation by Plant-emitted Compounds and OH Radicals in Northeastern Germany.
HO means a woman, in particular one who has many casual fricking encounters or relationships. So basically, popcorn is a woman in plant based frick chamber in a nazi camp.
"Popcorn" means "Photo-Oxidant formation by Plant-emitted Compounds and OH Radicals in Northeastern Germany."
"HO" means a woman, in particular one who has many casual sexual encounters or relationships. So basically, popcorn is a woman in plant based sex encountered a lot in a nazi camp.
My parents said they had to make a lot of sacrifices in order to pay for my education.
They were both druids.
What is the difference between climate change and the greenhouse effect, once a philosopher, twice a sodomite?
They call it the Cold War because Russia is cold in 2 ways.
Who’s more excited than a kid on his birthday?
Jimmy Savile in a primary school playground.
And the children of Israel wandered round the desert for 40 years, until eventually Moses' wife said, "Are you going to ask for directions, or what?"
Look! An ancient African city!
From the makers of Timbukone...
9/11... 911... COINCIDENCE I THINK NOT!
My mind was blown when I saw all the people waving at me.
-JFK
Why are Americans bad chess players?
Because they lost two towers.
You know Thomas Paine, right? Well, clearly he had some common sense too, right?
JFK's wife trying to grab his head be like "him in heaven." Why did I marrei her? Welp, time for a devorsin'.
What’s the difference between emos and Hitler?
Hitler didn’t post on social media when he wanted to kill himself.
Why was 10 scared?
Because 9/11 came flying in.
Why are Americans such good chess players?
Because they lost two towers.