History jokes
They call it the Cold War because Russia is cold in 2 ways.
Who’s more excited than a kid on his birthday?
Jimmy Savile in a primary school playground.
And the children of Israel wandered round the desert for 40 years, until eventually Moses' wife said, "Are you going to ask for directions, or what?"
Look! An ancient African city!
From the makers of Timbukone...
9/11... 911... COINCIDENCE I THINK NOT!
My mind was blown when I saw all the people waving at me.
-JFK
Why are Americans bad chess players?
Because they lost two towers.
You know Thomas Paine, right? Well, clearly he had some common sense too, right?
JFK's wife trying to grab his head be like "him in heaven." Why did I marrei her? Welp, time for a devorsin'.
What’s the difference between emos and Hitler?
Hitler didn’t post on social media when he wanted to kill himself.
Why was 10 scared?
Because 9/11 came flying in.
Why are Americans such good chess players?
Because they lost two towers.
John Wilkes Booth, to his fiancee: "I have an important role to play tonight at Ford's Theater."
Fiancee: "Break a leg!"
What do orphans and dinosaurs have in common?
Their parents are extinct.
Why are the Twin Towers and after girls kill all boys similar?
There used to be two but now there's one...
America has white people that are terrorists and racists. They love to blame people from different countries for what they have done.
White person: "We are not terrorists. Why would [we] ever do that in our history?"
The rest of the people: *looks at them stupid* "Y'all were the first motherfuckers to be a terrorist first and then wanting to blame others for your action."
1 person: "You still carrying that confederate flag. It means hatred and [you're] still trying to fight to bring back slaves again. Y'all say it's heritage and not hate, but [you're] clearly still a fucking loser, and your flag has an X [on it, which] means wrong. So... Still a loser. People can't be racist to a racist. It just doesn't make sense. I'm not saying all white people are racist, but I am talking about the ones who voted for Trump and be blind as hell. FUCK DONALD TRUMP AND THE RACIST PEOPLE!"
Why do white people carry Confederate flags?
To remind us that they are losers.
Who was purple and wanted to rule the world?
Alexander the Grape.
What were the terrorist of 9/11 thinking?
We can’t go over it, we can’t go under it, we'll have to go through it.
Q. What is the Titanic's favorite food?
A. Ice burger.