History jokes
Why does America suck at chess?
They lost two towers.
Helen Keller.
How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?
They stuck her in a round room and told her to find the penny in the corner.
How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?
They told her to go find the light.
Why did the Carthaginian say Rome lost the war?
Because they were just roman around.
Some people could say that the sky was falling that day,
one second they saw the sun and the next they saw heaven.
My dad died in the attacks. He was the best pilot Pakistan has ever seen, Allahu Akbar!
My dad died in the attacks. He was the best pilot for Pakistan.
I don't joke about 9/11 because I lost my dad. He was the best pilot I ever knew.
God made Adam and Eve have sex right out the gate.
Then he made teenagers horny... yet here we are with a so-called "rise in teen pregnancy."
Why did 10 have trauma?
Because 10 was in the middle of 9/11.
Michael Jackson is like a TV from the 1900s: black and white.
So, at school there are these twins. At my school, I folded two paper airplanes to throw at them. Once I realized why it felt so wrong to do it, I had already threw them. I hit the north, then the south one.
Why will America always lose in chess?
It lost its two towers!
"History's repeating itself. WWIII is coming, and the second Russia nukes the U.S., they're all getting fucked."
I was watching a documentary about how storks carry babies from their previous life to the next.
In his old life, Michael Jackson must’ve been a teddy bear. The storks let him play with kids for a change.
Why did the blonde stare at the carton of orange juice?
Because it said "concentration camp."
What do you call the whole population turning into emos?
The Great Depression.
Why can't orphans learn about Ancient Egypt? Because they won't know what a mummy is.
Osama bin Laden back from the dead!!! 💣💣💣💥💥💥🔥🔥🔥🌇