Him jokes

So the other day I saw a homeless man. He tried to mug me. I let him.

I had nothing on me either. (I'm on the next block over.)

My nephew hated working outside in landscaping, so I got him a job in the twin towers; I don't know why he keeps complaining about it being an inside job.

Huggy's so fat, Playtime Co. had to make him a monument of fatness.

How did the person feel when his partner wouldn't perform a golden shower on him? Pissed off.

I think my butt looks flat, but my boyfriend seems to think the opposite. I told him to be deadass with me.

I gave a homeless person a phone but did not give him a home button.

Why was the rapper afraid of ghosts?

Because they kept booing him off stage!

I’d tell BlessedBrian to aim for the stars, but it seems like his GRAVITATIONAL PULL is holding him back.

I beat up a failed musician until he started crying.

I thought a few hits would cheer him up!

Little Jim's friend told him that if he farts, he will give him a tenner. Little Jim tries to fart, but he poos himself, and he is bullied until he puts the poo on the bullies' face.

I saw Simba walking slowly.

I told him "Mufasa!"

RAID HIM https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCZEAEVyTsAdnjawrdCkDu-A/videos

A farmer told me that he wanted a couple of acres, so I punched him in the teeth.

My brother has a fucking ass and I wake up to him twerking.

A man walks into a bar and says, "Ouch!"

And the women look at him as if they have never seen a man walk into a bar before.

Friend: Do you know him?

Other Friend: Know who?

Friend: My dick!

Angelina Jolie was married to Brad Pitt...

Does that make her a "Brad Nailer", and him a "Jolie Jumper"?

Yo mama so strict that when Ponyboy told her that Darry hit him, she called the cops on Darry.

After a week of this, she can't stand it any longer.

The woman goes into her supervisor's office and tells him that she wants to file a sexual harassment suit against the man and explains why.

Why was the barber mad because I gave him a buzzcut?