Him jokes

A 10 year old girl reported to her friends that her 16 year old male babysitter was touching her inappropriately. He quickly lost his job as a babysitter.

A 10 year old boy reported to his friends that his 16 year old female babysitter was touching him inappropriately. She quickly became the most popular babysitter in town amongst boys.

My dad is so good at hiding, even the FBI can't find him.

I worry about him sometimes.

I threw a kid in a wheelchair into a fire... I called him hot wheels.

What do you call an orphan who likes football?

Because someone will actually give him something.

The emo tried to high five the tree, and it left him hanging.

Why didn't the orphan play video games with his friends?

Because his parents wouldn't let him.

What happened when the emo kid gave the tree a high five? It left him hanging.

Why was the barber mad because I gave him a buzzcut?

The emo kid tried to give me a handshake. Sadly, I left him hanging.

One would think Dracula would have a lot of friends. Unfortunately, no one likes him. He is a pain in the neck.

A guy went back to his apartment. Five minutes later, he said to the receptionist, "It doesn't fit!" So she gave him a new key.

Why do they call him Mankind if he is always choke slamming people?

One day, a lady and her husband were talking and it was time for dinner. He got up and sat at the dining room table, and the lady brought the plate of food in and she sat it down in front of him. "What's this?" he said. The lady said, "A piece of shit...honey! Want some water to drink?"

Stephen Hawking was a bit of a hardcase. He didn't let people push him around.

Why did the judge dismiss court when the orphan walked in?

Even a gay prison wouldn't want him.

A boy couldn't walk normally because his pants were huge, and when he went to school, the people there made so many jokes about him that he died.

IT'S NOT TRUE, JUST A FAKE JOKE, DON'T WORRY!

Orphan: "I get all the A pluses and y'all bad!"

And then I told him: "If you feel so special, try telling your parents. You can't, can you?"

One day I visited my friend in a hospital.

I remember when I spoke, "You know, sometimes it's reaching its peak and its lowest state, but I know you'll always end like the others at calming and straight!"

Yes, I talked about the heart monitor beside him.

Why was the orphan so famous?

Because when they asked him go big or go home, he only had one option.

An African man was walking in New York when he saw a sign that said, "Watch out for children."

He started laughing hysterically, then a white man asked him, "Why are you laughing?"

He said, "In Africa, they would never put up a sign like that."