Him jokes
There was a kid in a wheelchair. I put him on fire and called him Hot Wheels.
What do you do when a French kid steals your pencil?
Load your MP-40 and tell him that you give him a history lesson on WWII.
I pushed the disabled kid into a fire, then called him "Hot Wheels."
I saw a cyclist in the road today, so I ran over him and he said in a robotic voice, "SHUTTING DOWN!"
Why did Greg go mad? Because Stephen stalked him.
I put my fish on a leash so I could teach him to walk. Then I took him out for a walk. Then, when I put him back in the tank, he stopped moving.
A little chimney said: "Ooooh, I think my house owner is making a fire in me! I'm about to smoke!"
The big chimney said next to him: "Well, you're too young to smoke..."
Kid: Dad, what's a dark joke?
Dad: Well, you see that guy over there? Tell him to wave.
Kid: But Dad, I'm blind.
Dad: Exactly, also the dude had no arm.
So last night I went on a taxi and I showed them your photo. All they said was I could ride him, it would be expensive though, since from his eyebrows to hairline is at least £100.
Kenny's dick is so small that instead of giving him a handjob, I gave him a thumb and forefinger job.
If my son was a real man, I wouldn't have caught him fucking another man.
As ruler of a kingdom, I wanted a knight. Duke Leo Pessi IV offered himself but wanted a wife in return. I offered my beautiful daughter to him. However, he slapped her and proceeded to wreck my castle. All this whilst crying “I don’t want princess, I want farmer!”
DAMN YOU PESSI!
I was in my first space mission for NASA. As we were orbiting the asteroid belt, I saw a figure. I couldn’t tell who it was, but he spoke Spanish with an Argentinian accent. He said, “I’m looking for my freekicks and penalties, can you help me find them?” We then decided to aid him.
Why does Little Johnny hate hot dogs?
It reminds him of last night.
Stephen Hawking was in a house fire. When he got out, people called him "Hot Wheels."
What did the baritone say to the alto?
Nothing, you couldn’t hear him.
I met him once, but he wouldn’t give me his autograph!
A guy in a Costco was pretty pissed off at something. A guy walks up to him and says, "What's wrong, pal? Don't worry, it's not like you're on an abandoned aisle!"
Why do people name a kid "Rob?" Because they want him to rob a bank so they could adopt new kids to lock in their basement for a late-night toy.
Listen, Man United might not thank me but get the contract out, put it on the table. Let him sign it, let him write whatever numbers he wants to put on there, given what he's done since he's come in. Ole's at the wheel, man. He's doing it. He's doing his thing. Man United are BACK.