Hell Jokes

Me: *gives her 5 dollars* Climb that flag pole. Cute female: *takes the money and goes up the flag pole* Is this good? Me: Hell yeah, that's a nice view.

*Next day* Here's 10 dollars if you do it again. *She goes up there* Me: How's the view? *She goes home and her mom sees the money* Her mom: Where you getting this money? Her daughter: I climbed a flagpole. Her mom: You know he just wants you to see your panties, right? *She goes back and does it again but doesn't wear panties* Me: Holy shit ;-; Her mom: Did you do it again? Her daughter: Don't worry, Mom, he didn't get to see my panties. Her mom:...

"where ya going?" "when i die hell but right now my room"

What do you call a ride that drops 180 degrees?

Cold as hell.

WHY DID GOD MAKE THE DEVILS DIE...

god is great

how to make holy water 1-grab a pot 2-put water in it 3-set the stove to 420 degrees 4-boil the hell out of it

shut the hell up with all these stephen hawking jokes hahah i wanna kms

your mamma so ugly when the baby came out of her the baby didn't cry the baby said what the hell is this shit and walked out of the hospital.

Why did half of the world go to hell?

Because they were laughing at morbid jokes.

(You've been warned!)

Anyone who makes fun of Prof should go to hell

Roses are red, violets are blue, You think violets are blue, what the hell is wrong with you?

A little boy and a little girl are taking a bath together. The little girl looks down at the boy and says, "Can I touch it?" The little boy looks back at her and says, "Hell no, you already broke yours off!"

It ain't always having erectile dysfunction, but it sure as hell ain't hard.

[God creating sharks]

God: Ok give them 3 rows of teeth.

Angel: Seems excessive but ok.

God: And make them mean as hell.

Angel: WTF y.

God: BECAUSSE I SAID SO.

Angel:...

God: And make one of the types have a hammer for a head.

Angel: Why do I still work for you?

God: Because I’m the only employer as of right now.

Random person: Imma smack you so hard your skin pigment changes!

Me: Who the hell do you think you are? Michael Jackson’s dad?

A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.

Three years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: “What the hell was that all about?”

stephen hawkins couldnt make it to heaven cause there was stairs so he rolled down to hell

Ten Catholic priests all die in a bus accident. When they arrive at the pearly gates, St. Peter acknowledges them. He sees that they're all priests and immediately says "If any of you are pedophiles, there's no point waiting here. You might as well eff off straight to hell right now!” Nine of the priests turn around and begin to walk away. St. Peter calls after them, "AND TAKE THE DEAF BASTARD WITH YOU TOO!”

Three people died and went to Hell. One of them is from America, the second guy is from Germany, and the third guy is from Afghanistan. The devil lets each person make a phone call to their loved ones in the country they came from, but they will be charged. The American spends 10 minutes on the phone and is charged $20. The German spends 12 minutes on the phone and is charged $24. The man from Afghanistan spends half an hour on the phone and is charged nothing. The other two guys asked the devil why. The devil responded: "Local calls are free."

A blind guy walks into a bar with his seeing eye dog. He then picks his dog up by the tail and starts to swing him around. The bartender asks him, "Hey man, what the hell you doing?"

Blind guy says, "Just looking around."

Hell in Greek times was known as cold and misty... so now just look at Seattle.