Hearing jokes
Wanna hear a joke?
Your face.
My wife said I didn’t listen to a single thing she says.
What a weird way to start a conversation!
Did you hear about the flood at the circus? Lots of people drowned, and there were two clowns that survived and two nuns still in the audience.
The two clowns ran over to the two nuns, and each one put a nun on his shoulder. Then they waded out of the big top, up to their waists in the rapid, turbulent water. As they were reaching dry land, one clown said to the other, "If you ask me, this is virgin on the ridiculous!"
COVID is like fashion…
We started hearing about it in Italy…
Became popular in LA and NYC…
Florida ignored it…
And it was all made in China in the end.
When you get suspended from school for giving the deaf kid AirPods for his birthday.
Conservatives when they hear about “liberal arts:” 👊😡
Liberals when they find out about forest conservation: 😩👐
Progressives when they see a reaction video: 🤬
Reactionaries when a Progressive ad comes on (Flo is annoying): 😱
Anticoms realizing they are a part of a “community:” *seizure*
Anticaps when they have to Capitalize Their Words: 😤
Anti-monarchists when they pass a Burger King: 🫨
Antisocs when they are told to “socialize:” 🫠
Corporatists when they see a corpse: 🤤
Antifash when they spot a fashion show: 🤮
Classical liberals when the TV shows Family Feud: 😑🔫
Extremists when they are told to shoot “dead center” (they have bad aim): 😠🖕
Did you hear about the TikTok post that offended disabled people? Some didn't reply because the comment section was disabled.
Want to hear a racist joke?
Donald Trump.
What do you call an ear that's dead? Deaf. Hahaha! Oh wait...
Did you hear about the orphan that tried to high five a tree? It left her hanging.
You hear about the Roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
What STD can you get from phone sex?
Hearing AIDS.
A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.
Three years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: “What the hell was that all about?”
Wanna hear a joke about pizza?
Never mind, it’s too cheesy! 😅
Did you hear how Stephen Hawking died?
There was a mix up, and he was dropped at PC World instead of A&E!
Did you hear about the Mexican emo band? They're called "Hispanic at the Disco."
Did you hear about the German girl being raped by 10 men? She shouted, "nein, nein," so one of them left.
Did you hear about the man who jumped off a bridge in France? He was in Seine.
Did you hear of the guy who was sad about being in a wheelchair? He had that crippling depression.
Johnny was watching TV when he heard them say "bitch" and "bastard," so he asked his dad, "What is a bitch and bastard?"
Dad said, "A bitch is a female, and a bastard is a male."
Then Johnny goes back to the TV and hears them say "ass" and "shit," so he asks his dad what "shit" and "ass" means. Dad says, "A shit is shaving cream, like what I'm putting on my face, and ass is a coat. Why don't you bug your mom?"
So Johnny goes back to the TV, and then they say "fuck," so Johnny asks his mom what "fuck" means. Mom says, "Fuck means carving, like doing to the turkey." Then a few minutes later, Johnny hears a knock on the door, so he answers it. He then says, "Welcome, bitch and bastard, may I tack your ass?" The people then ask where his parents are. Johnny says, "My dad is putting shit on his face, and my mom is fucking the turkey."