Hearing jokes

When a deaf person is on trial, is it really considered a hearing?

What do you call a deaf dog? As you like, he doesn't hear you anyway.

Teacher: I was an orphan as a child.

Student: Sorry to hear.

Teacher: Is anyone missing today?

Student: Your parents.

Q: What is the worst thing to hear your surgeon say?

A: Oops, I dropped my lollipop!

Did you hear about the emo kid in a wheelchair? Exactly.

What do visiting Goatman's Bridge and a bungee jumping accident have in common?

You hear a snap, and suddenly you're falling from a bridge.

In other news, we are hearing of a nasty helicopter crash on the M4. Let's cross live to our eye-in-the-sky, Mark. Mark?

If there's a guy without legs, he begins to hear boss music when a stack of shelves appear.

Did you hear about the fish and chips? The fish got battered, the chips got salted.

Did you hear about the nasty tuna fish?

He was rotten to the albacore.

What happens when you hear about Mary Brittain beating a Thomas?

You cook spaghetti with his blood!

Wanna hear a joke?

Yeah.

...

What's the joke?

I said it already!

Did you hear about the delivery boy that worked for that Italian Restaurant down the street?

Yeah, he Pasta-Way.

Did you hear about the man who backed into a meat grinder?

I guess you could say... he was a little behind on his work.

Wanna hear a construction joke?

Nah, I'm still working on it.

"I hear you asking, 'What's your favorite instrument?' The Trombone."

Did you hear? There's a new fast food restaurant coming: Jacko in the Box.

Did you hear about the streaker in church? He was caught by the organ.

I was drinking a martini and the waitress screamed, “Does anyone know CPR?!”

I yelled, “I know the entire alphabet!”, and we all laughed and laughed. Well, except one person, he didn't hear the joke.

You know you have weird Indian parents when you can hear them canilingus each other.