Did you hear about the young man who brought floral arrangements in the shape of a life jacket on his friend’s funeral who drowned last week?
Everyone was furious, but he explained, “It’s what he would have wanted.”
Did you hear about the deaf guy's STI?
He got hearing aids.
"Jesus loves you" is a wonderful thing to hear in church.
But a horrible thing to hear in a Mexican prison.
What made Adam and Eve's marriage perfect?
He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about his Mom's cooking.
When I bring someone breakfast in bed, I want to hear a thank you. And no, “What are you doing in my house?”
COVID is like fashion...
We started hearing about it in Italy...
Became popular in LA and NYC...
Florida ignored it...
And it was all made in China in the end.
Did you hear about the TikTok post that offended disabled people? Some didn't reply because the comment section was disabled.
I asked my sister to say something.
She said, "No."
That's what I like to hear.
You know you have weird Indian parents when you can hear them canilingus each other.
Wanna hear a joke?
Yeah.
...
What's the joke?
I said it already!
Did you hear about the delivery boy that worked for that Italian Restaurant down the street?
Yeah, he Pasta-Way.
Wanna hear a construction joke?
Nah, I'm still working on it.
Did you hear about the man who backed into a meat grinder?
I guess you could say... he was a little behind on his work.
"I hear you asking, 'What's your favorite instrument?' The Trombone."
I was drinking a martini and the waitress screamed, “Does anyone know CPR?!”
I yelled, “I know the entire alphabet!”, and we all laughed and laughed. Well, except one person, he didn't hear the joke.
Did you hear what happened to Lorainna Bobbit? She was in an accident on the Garden State Parkway. She told the State Police Officer, "That some dick cut her off."
So I stayed at home for Halloween when I suddenly hear a knock on my door. I open and I see Penandes! I was confused and asked him why he does not wear a costume, and he said he doesn't need to.
Then I realized that he's a ghost and gave him 3 candies. Enjoy the candies Pruno!
As a son, I am so worried about the phone call message that my mom got from a member of The CDC. It was on speaker, so me and mom both hear. The message told my mom that she needs to personally isolate because two of the new symptoms is having big titties and a great personality.
You can say what you want about deaf people...
Ernie and Burt were camping in the woods, when they woke up Burt asked Ernie "how did you sleep?" Ernie replied with "I slept amazing! I had a great dream that I was in a magic candy world and was sucking the most tastiest lollipop I'd ever tasted in my life."
Burt replied with "Good to hear, I slept amazing too. I had a dream that I was in heaven surrounded by angels, and one of them was giving me a blow job."
