Hearing jokes

In other news, we are hearing of a nasty helicopter crash on the M4. Let's cross live to our eye-in-the-sky, Mark. Mark?

What happens when you hear about Mary Brittain beating a Thomas?

You cook spaghetti with his blood!

Did you hear about the fish and chips? The fish got battered, the chips got salted.

Did you hear about the nasty tuna fish?

He was rotten to the albacore.

Did you hear Palpatine is sewing Nike?

Stole his slogan, just do it!

Why do you Scotchmen wear kilts?

Because sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.

The fact I couldn't hear the announcements at my school because the boys in my advisory are clapping with no hands should be a joke just in itself. They were making sexual faces as well, oh, and don't forget the moaning they do.

Did you hear about the young man who brought floral arrangements in the shape of a life jacket on his friend’s funeral who drowned last week?

Everyone was furious, but he explained, “It’s what he would have wanted.”

Did you hear about the deaf guy's STI?

He got hearing aids.

"Jesus loves you" is a wonderful thing to hear in church.

But a horrible thing to hear in a Mexican prison.

What made Adam and Eve's marriage perfect?

He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about his Mom's cooking.

When I bring someone breakfast in bed, I want to hear a thank you. And no, “What are you doing in my house?”

COVID is like fashion...

We started hearing about it in Italy...

Became popular in LA and NYC...

Florida ignored it...

And it was all made in China in the end.

Did you hear about the TikTok post that offended disabled people? Some didn't reply because the comment section was disabled.

I asked my sister to say something.

She said, "No."

That's what I like to hear.

You know you have weird Indian parents when you can hear them canilingus each other.

Wanna hear a joke?

Yeah.

...

What's the joke?

I said it already!

Did you hear about the delivery boy that worked for that Italian Restaurant down the street?

Yeah, he Pasta-Way.

Wanna hear a construction joke?

Nah, I'm still working on it.

Did you hear about the man who backed into a meat grinder?

I guess you could say... he was a little behind on his work.