Hearing jokes
Did you hear about the guy who died by lethal injection and writhed on the stretcher for 20 minutes?
I guess it really IS all in the execution.
Did you hear what happened to Lorainna Bobbit? She was in an accident on the Garden State Parkway. She told the State Police Officer, "That some dick cut her off."
Wanna hear a couple of short jokes and a long joke?
Joke,
Joke,
Jooooooooooooooke.
"Jesus loves you" is a wonderful thing to hear in church.
But a horrible thing to hear in a Mexican prison.
What made Adam and Eve's marriage perfect?
He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about his Mom's cooking.
Did you hear Palpatine is sewing Nike?
Stole his slogan, just do it!
You know you have weird Indian parents when you can hear them canilingus each other.
I was drinking a martini and the waitress screamed, “Does anyone know CPR?!”
I yelled, “I know the entire alphabet!”, and we all laughed and laughed. Well, except one person, he didn't hear the joke.
When I bring someone breakfast in bed, I want to hear a thank you. And no, “What are you doing in my house?”
Did you hear about the blonde who walked into a bar?......... It hurt.
Did you hear about the cello player who dreamed he was performing Bolero?
He woke up and found out it was true.
When a deaf person is on trial, is it really considered a hearing?
What do you call a deaf dog? As you like, he doesn't hear you anyway.
Teacher: I was an orphan as a child.
Student: Sorry to hear.
Teacher: Is anyone missing today?
Student: Your parents.
Did you hear about the emo kid in a wheelchair? Exactly.
Q: What is the worst thing to hear your surgeon say?
A: Oops, I dropped my lollipop!
"I hear you asking, 'What's your favorite instrument?' The Trombone."
Did you hear the one about the Polish elevator operator?
He was fired from his job because he couldn’t learn the route.
Did you hear that song about 9/11? It was a real banger!
In other news, we are hearing of a nasty helicopter crash on the M4. Let's cross live to our eye-in-the-sky, Mark. Mark?