Hearing jokes

Why do Black people not like country music?

Because every time they hear "hoedown," they think their sister got shot.

If someone licks your elbow, you won't feel it.

If you put your ear up to someone's leg, you can hear them say, "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!"

"Did you hear about the worst zoo in the world? It only had one dog in it. It was a Shih Tzu."

What's the last thing Asians hear from their parents?

"My money is my money. Your money is my money. Your wife's money is my money. Always remember that, son."

Did you hear about the orphan who ran away from home?

Wait a minute! What am I talking about?

Did you hear about the Boston marathon? 'Cause, well, I heard it was a blast and that it blew everyone away!

Wanna hear a funny joke?

John's life.

Did you hear about the man that got fired from his can job? It was soda-pressing.

Did you hear about the guy that was cutting off people's feet and taking them?

It took my sole.

Why can't you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom?

Because the "p" is silent.

One day, a kid walks up to their mom and asks, "Why is my name Daisy?" The mom's reply is, "Because when you were born, a daisy landed on your head." The second kid asks, "Why is my name Butterfly?" The mom's reply is, "Because when you were born, a butterfly landed on your head." Then you hear, "Ooooooooohahbfisbfsdkf."

"Shut up, Brick!"

Did you hear on the news that a midget psychic broke out of jail?

There is a small medium at large.

So, Dora is having a sleepover with her cousin Diego at Dora's house. Later that night, Dora's mom hears someone screaming, "Go Diego go!" for at least a couple of minutes, and then it stops, and she goes back to sleep.

But then she hears the same thing a couple of minutes later, so she walks in and hears "Go Diego go!" She walks over to Diego's sleeping bag and looks, and it's empty, so she walks over to Dora's sleeping bag and looks in and sees Dora getting f

... by Diego and hears Dora saying, "Go Diego go!" while moaning.

Hellen Keller once said, "love is not something you see or hear, it is something you feel," but of course she said it like this "fbfebsovbforbw urbwbwvorb."

What do you call a deer with hooves in his ears?

Anything you want—he can’t hear you.

Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl urinate? Because walls.

Did y'all ever hear about the great thunder crash of September 11th?

On the plus side, I finally hear voices talking to me... just wish they were outside my head.

A man is watching TV and his wife comes down and says, "I just fell down the stairs, did you not hear me?"

Man, "Sorry, I thought it was the start of Eastenders!"

Mom says: "I will go kill myself."

Me: *stays quiet cuz knows better than to talk* *also me internally eyerolls*

Some time later me fighting with my mom:

Me to my mom: "Oh, yea than kill me!"

Mom: "What the hell did you just say? I don't want to hear it from you again!"

Lesson?

So it's OK for adults to say "I'll kill myself" but not teens/kids!?!?