Hearing jokes

(Note: this joke is not one of the worst jokes ever because it is obscene or offensive; it’s just a bad joke.) Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because they’re dead.

Lemme tell you a little story.

It’s night. You’re in your room, trying to sleep. But you keep hearing it—scratching. Soft at first. Like fingernails on wood. You tell yourself it’s rats, or the house settling. But it keeps going. Slow... then faster.

So finally, you get outta bed. You get on your hands and knees, put your ear to the floor. And you hear it. A voice. Whispers. Crying.

Your heart’s pounding. You grab a crowbar. You pry up the floorboards. One by one. Your sweat’s dripping into the dust. The noise gets louder.

And finally... you peel back the last plank.

And you see these eyes. Wide and terrified. And a pale little face staring up at you.

BOOOOOOO!!!!

It’s Anne Frank.

What is the most sensitive part of a man's anatomy while he's masturbating?

His ears.

"Did you hear about the worst zoo in the world? It only had one dog in it. It was a Shih Tzu."

What’s the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?

You can’t hear an enzyme.

Did you hear about the guy that was cutting off people's feet and taking them?

It took my sole.

What's the last thing Asians hear from their parents?

"My money is my money. Your money is my money. Your wife's money is my money. Always remember that, son."

Did you hear about the orphan who ran away from home?

Wait a minute! What am I talking about?

Why do Black people not like country music?

Because every time they hear "hoedown," they think their sister got shot.

If someone licks your elbow, you won't feel it.

If you put your ear up to someone's leg, you can hear them say, "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!"

Why can't you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom?

Because the "p" is silent.

I hear you like funny people. In fact, my whole life's a joke!

Did you hear the joke about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.

When you get suspended from school for giving the deaf kid AirPods for his birthday.

Wanna hear a funny joke?

John's life.

Did you hear about the man that got fired from his can job? It was soda-pressing.

Did you hear about the Boston marathon? 'Cause, well, I heard it was a blast and that it blew everyone away!

One day, a kid walks up to their mom and asks, "Why is my name Daisy?" The mom's reply is, "Because when you were born, a daisy landed on your head." The second kid asks, "Why is my name Butterfly?" The mom's reply is, "Because when you were born, a butterfly landed on your head." Then you hear, "Ooooooooohahbfisbfsdkf."

"Shut up, Brick!"

Did you hear on the news that a midget psychic broke out of jail?

There is a small medium at large.

So, Dora is having a sleepover with her cousin Diego at Dora's house. Later that night, Dora's mom hears someone screaming, "Go Diego go!" for at least a couple of minutes, and then it stops, and she goes back to sleep.

But then she hears the same thing a couple of minutes later, so she walks in and hears "Go Diego go!" She walks over to Diego's sleeping bag and looks, and it's empty, so she walks over to Dora's sleeping bag and looks in and sees Dora getting f

... by Diego and hears Dora saying, "Go Diego go!" while moaning.