Hearing jokes
Want to hear a joke? I swear it isn't about my life again.
My mom and dad made a joke together and called it "yeetsu" (me)!
Person 1: Did you hear the joke bout 9/11?
Person 2: No, but it'll probably crash and burn.
Did you hear about the Chinese student?
Me neither.
Did you hear about Hellen Keller falling down the well?
She screamed her little fingers off.
I hear you like funny people. In fact, my whole life's a joke!
Hey, did you hear about the kidnapping?
"No."
Yeah, but then he woke up.
Don’t criticize someone until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes.
So, when you criticize them, they won’t be able to hear you from that far away. Plus, you’ll have their shoes.
Did you hear about the guy that went to a nudist colony? The first day was his hardest.
Why doesn’t Helen Keller go to the beach?
Because she can’t hear the sea.
Did you hear about the nurse who couldn’t swim?
She ended up under the doc[tor].
You wanna hear a good joke, kiddos?
Gods being real. (Newsflash, all gods are manmade. THEY'RE ALL FICTION!)
Did you hear about the person who died? I would tell you about him, but he died.
You are about to hear the funniest joke ever.
My life.
Did you hear he died of a virus? A computer virus.
One man walks up to another and says, "Hey, did you hear about the kidnapping at Main Street?" The guy says, "No." The other guy says, "Oh, he woke up."
What did the guy tired of hearing people joke about rape do?
He killed everyone on this f#cking website.
A little girl and a little boy are taking a bath together when the little girl looks down and asks, "What's that?" The little boy says, "That's my little red race car." 10 minutes later, the boy looks down and asks, "What's that?" The little girl says, "That's my little red race car garage."
So later that night the boy asks the little girl if he can put his little red race car in her little red race car garage. She says yes, and they pull down their pants and the boy tries putting his little red race car in her garage, but it won't fit. Downstairs, the mother hears an ear-piercing scream and runs upstairs, flips on the lights, and sees blood on the floor. The mother asks, "What happened?" The little girl says, "We tried putting his car in my garage and it wouldn't fit, so I cut the back wheels off."
I’m about to tell you the funniest joke I heard:
Two hunters are in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls emergency services. The operator then hears the problem and says, “Well, let’s make sure he’s dead.” A shot is then heard. The other guy says, “Ok, now what?”
Did you laugh?
You wanna hear an orphan joke?
Okay, here it goes:
You.
A man is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door.
He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch.
He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.
Three years later there's a knock at the door.
He opens it and sees the same snail.
The snail says, "What was that all about?"