Hearing jokes
Why can't you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom?
Because the "p" is silent.
What did the female rapist say at her hearing?
"Well that boy's dick was inside me and you know what you metoo people say, 'my body my choice.'"
Why could you not hear the dinosaur clap? Because it's dead.
So, my sister is a feminist. I asked her, "Do you want to hear a rape joke?" She said no. I still decided to force one down her throat anyway.
Why can't you hear a dinosaur clap? They're dead.
Person 1: Hey, did you hear about the circus fire?
Person 2: No.
Person 1: It was in-tents.
Father O'Reilly ran into a young woman whose mother attended his church at the market. "Ah, Mary Agnes, congratulations!"
She gave him a puzzled look. "On what?"
"Your mother tells me you've been praying to St. Gerard and finally got pregnant, it's a miracle."
Mary Agnes sighed. "My mother needs to get hearing aids if she's going to eavesdrop on my phone calls to friends. I said it'll be a miracle if I get pregnant since the only thing I'm fucking is a St. Bernard."
Wanna hear a joke about Alzheimer's? Wanna hear a joke about Alzheimer's? Wanna hear a joke about Alzheimer's?
Your mother is so fat, she actually went on a diet and started exercising, and I hear she's doing quite well now.
Did you hear they’re making an Elmo toy to appeal to the Tourette’s crowd?
I believe it’s called the “Tic Me Elmo.”
Two girls have a sleepover.
Karen: Let's go to bed.
Lauren: Fine, but it's early.
*Karen wakes up and exits room*
*Lauren hears noise*
Mikey: You're so much better than my girlfriend, Karen.
Lauren: *laughs*
Lauren: *remembers her boyfriend is Karen's brother, Mikey*
My friend Jimmy said his dad is exactly like Santa. I asked, "Why is it because he gives people presents?" Jimmy told me, "No, it's because I hear so many good things about him and how he's gonna come home, but never see him."
Did you hear on the news that a midget psychic broke out of jail?
There is a small medium at large.
Did you hear about the story of the husband who told his wife she’d look sexier with her hair back?
Apparently, that’s not a nice thing to say to cancer patients.
A young man cracked a joke about dementia to his friend on the bus. The old man sitting next to him politely asked, “Can you stop making jokes about terminal diseases?”
He replied, “Yes, I cancer.” Then he cracked tumor.
EMINEM: His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy.
WebMD: Cancer.
Did you hear about the man who was accidentally buried alive? -- It was a grave mistake.
Wanna hear a pizza joke?
Never mind, it's too cheesy.
Did you hear about the TikTok post that offended disabled people? Some didn't reply because the comment section was disabled.
COVID is like fashion…
We started hearing about it in Italy…
Became popular in LA and NYC…
Florida ignored it…
And it was all made in China in the end.
What did the DJ name his son?
Eric.
Literally no one: Why can't you hear the pterodactyl?
Random person: I don't know.
No one: BECAUSE THEY ARE EXTINCT!
Random person: Ha, cool, I guess.