Hearing jokes

Did you hear the gossip about butter? Never mind, I butter not spread it...

I don’t get why Katniss was bitching so much in ‘The Hunger Games’ books. Ethiopia has been competing for years and I don’t hear any of them complaining.

Did you hear about the woman who put her husband’s ashes in a burrito?

He gets to tear that ass up one more time.

Did you hear about the Scottish man who murdered his wife?

He totally kilt her.

Wanna hear a joke? My life! Hahahah! Just kidding, jokes actually mean something...

Did you hear about the dyslexic cop? He jumped off his horse and blew his whistle!

Person 1: Did you hear the joke bout 9/11?

Person 2: No, but it'll probably crash and burn.

What do you do when you hear your wife squirming around in the back yard?

Reload... chhchhhh.

Are you the voices I've been hearing?

Because I can't seem to get you out of my head. (Schizophrenic RIZZ)

Did you hear about the flood at the circus? Lots of people drowned, and there were two clowns that survived and two nuns still in the audience.

The two clowns ran over to the two nuns, and each one put a nun on his shoulder. Then they waded out of the big top, up to their waists in the rapid, turbulent water. As they were reaching dry land, one clown said to the other, "If you ask me, this is virgin on the ridiculous!"

Me: Want to hear a joke?

Friend: Sure.

Me: When my Mum and Dad said they loved me.

Friend: What's funny about that?

Me: Because the next day they disowned me.

Did you hear about Paul Walker's rap?

Wrapped around that tree.

Why doesn’t Helen Keller go to the beach?

Because she can’t hear the sea.

What is the difference between an orphan and a deaf kid?

They can't hear or speak to their parents that never came back.

Did you hear the one about the hills?

It was hillarious.

Did you hear that the governor's mansion in Alabama burned down?

Almost took out the whole trailer park.

Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?

Because the “P” is silent.

Did you hear about the nun that got kicked out of the convent?

She got caught squatting on the cucumbers in the garden.

Want to hear a joke?

Your face.

Don’t have phone sex without protection, you might get hearing aids!