Hey, did you hear about the kidnapping?
"No."
Yeah, but then he woke up.
Did you hear about the Scottish man who murdered his wife?
He totally kilt her.
Wanna hear a joke,my life hahahah just kidding jokes actually mean something...
Did you hear about the dyslexic cop? He jumped off his horse and blew his whistle!
Person 1: Did you hear the joke bout 9/11?
Person 2: No, but it'll probably crash and burn.
What do you do when you hear your wife squirming around in the back yard?
Reload... chhchhhh.
Did you hear they think Michael Jackson died from food poisoning? He ate 12-year-old nuts and a 13-year-old wiener.
Are you the voices I've been hearing?
Because I can't seem to get you out of my head. (Schizophrenic RIZZ)
Did you hear about the flood at the circus? Lots of people drowned, and there were two clowns that survived and two nuns still in the audience.
The two clowns ran over to the two nuns, and each one put a nun on his shoulder. Then they waded out of the big top, up to their waists in the rapid, turbulent water. As they were reaching dry land, one clown said to the other, "If you ask me, this is virgin on the ridiculous!"
Me: Want to hear a joke?
Friend: Sure.
Me: When my Mum and Dad said they loved me.
Friend: What's funny about that?
Me: Because the next day they disowned me.
Did you hear about Paul Walker's rap?
Wrapped around that tree.
Did you hear the one about the hills?
It was hillarious.
Did you hear that the governor's mansion in Alabama burned down?
Almost took out the whole trailer park.
Why doesn’t Helen Keller go to the beach?
Because she can’t hear the sea.
What is the difference between an orphan and a deaf kid?
They can't hear or speak to their parents that never came back.
What did the female rapist say at her hearing?
"Well that boy's dick was inside me and you know what you metoo people say, 'my body my choice.'"
Want to hear a joke?
Your face
Don’t have phone sex without protection, you might get hearing aids!
Everyone says Kenny has an easy life.
I disagree. I hear his mom likes complicated sex positions.
There was a little boy named Chris who was addicted to Roblox.
One day, his grandpa fell into a deep coma caused by a head injury.
One day, little Chris went to visit his poor grandpa. He brought his Windows 10 too, but it had no charge in it. After pulling out some wires and placing his into the wall, he started to hear a long beeping sound, but ignored it and continued to play Roblox. Chris's parents came and saw what had happened.
The dad then yelled, "You dumb f***, you killed my father!!!"
Then Chris said "Yeah. He was worth robucks, too."
