Hearing jokes
Did you hear about the woman who put her husband’s ashes in a burrito?
He gets to tear that ass up one more time.
Kid: Wanna hear a joke?
Me: Sure.
Kid: Why diddncjcjcbfjcbcjdbbskzmzj b b j no?
Me:?
Did you hear they made an Emo-Hipster pizza?
It cuts itself, and you're supposed to eat it before it's cool.
Hey, did you hear about the kidnapping?
"No."
Yeah, but then he woke up.
Did you hear about the cemetery? I heard that people are dying to be there.
Did you hear about the dwarf that had his wallet stolen? Just how low can you get?
Did you hear about the cannibal who converted to Catholicism?
On Fridays, he only eats fishermen!
Did you hear the gossip about butter? Never mind, I butter not spread it...
I don’t get why Katniss was bitching so much in ‘The Hunger Games’ books. Ethiopia has been competing for years and I don’t hear any of them complaining.
Did you hear about the octopus who went emo? He sliced all 8 of his wrists.
Did you hear about the woman who broke up with the man who had a small penis?
When his friends ask how he’s doing, he said, “I wasn’t that into her.”
Did you hear about the Scottish man who murdered his wife?
He totally kilt her.
Wanna hear a joke? My life! Hahahah! Just kidding, jokes actually mean something...
Did you hear about the dyslexic cop? He jumped off his horse and blew his whistle!
Did you hear about Paul Walker's rap?
Wrapped around that tree.
Person 1: Did you hear the joke bout 9/11?
Person 2: No, but it'll probably crash and burn.
What do you do when you hear your wife squirming around in the back yard?
Reload... chhchhhh.
Are you the voices I've been hearing?
Because I can't seem to get you out of my head. (Schizophrenic RIZZ)
Me: Want to hear a joke?
Friend: Sure.
Me: When my Mum and Dad said they loved me.
Friend: What's funny about that?
Me: Because the next day they disowned me.
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?
Because the “P” is silent.