Hearing jokes
Did you hear about the restaurant they're putting on the moon?
Good food, but no atmosphere.
1. What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping?
A dino-snore!
2. What is fast, loud, and crunchy?
A rocket chip!
3. Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert?
Because she was stuffed!
4. What has ears but cannot hear?
A cornfield!
5. What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between us, something smells!
Student: Hey! Did you hear the joke about the three holes in the ground?
Teacher: No?
Student: All I can say about it is, "Well, well, well."
Did you hear about the guy that was cutting off people's feet and taking them?
It took my sole.
Did you hear about the Mexican emo band? They're called "Hispanic at the Disco."
When fat people sit down at a restaurant, you can hear the chair screaming.
So you can't pay rent and you know you're going to get evicted, but all of the sudden you hear a knock on your door and it's your landlord, but he's naked and erect, and on his cock, it says, "Your rent is due."
Did you hear of my new job as a can crusher? It's soda pressing.
Did you hear the news? Michael Jackson died because he choked on 7-year-old nuts and balls.
I don't understand why people hate it when they hear a dad joke. They are actually pretty funny, and I will show you Y. (shows a picture of the letter Y)
One day, a kid walks up to their mom and asks, "Why is my name Daisy?" The mom's reply is, "Because when you were born, a daisy landed on your head." The second kid asks, "Why is my name Butterfly?" The mom's reply is, "Because when you were born, a butterfly landed on your head." Then you hear, "Ooooooooohahbfisbfsdkf."
"Shut up, Brick!"
Did you hear about the new Pixar movie? It's about cancer patients. It's called "Finding Kemo."
Who wants to hear the biggest joke ever?
My life.
Do you want to hear a joke?
Never mind, it’s too punny.
Did you hear about the person who got hit in the head with a soda can?
Good thing it was a "soft" drink!
Did you hear about the guy that posts all of the "Hairline Jokes"?
Answer: Yeah, he's a COMPLETE IDIOT!
Did you hear that the governor's mansion in Alabama burned down?
Almost took out the whole trailer park.
Did you hear about the bossy man at the bar? He ordered everyone around.
You wanna hear a joke? You.
Did you hear about the woman who broke up with the man who had a small penis?
When his friends ask how he’s doing, he said, “I wasn’t that into her.”