A blind man walks into a woman’s bar and asks the person next to him if she would like to hear a blonde joke. The woman says before you tell your joke you should know the bartender is blonde and has a shotgun, the bouncer is blonde and has a baseball bat, the two playing music are blonde and have pistols, do you still want to tell that joke cowboy. He thought for a second and said not if I have to explain it five times.
Did you hear about the tomatoe and the lettuce race? Well the lettuce was a-head and the tomatoe was trying to ketchup
Father O'Reilly ran into a young woman whose mother attended his church at the market. "Ah Mary Agnes, congratulations!"
She gave him a puzzled look. "on what?"
"Your mother tells me you've been praying to St. Gerard and finally got pregnant, it's a miracle."
Mary Agnes sighed. "My mother needs to get hearing aids if she's going to eavesdrop on my phone calls to friends. I said it'll be a miracle if I get pregnant since the only thing I'm fucking is a St. Bernard."
Friend: wana hear a joke
other Friend: sure
Friend: pussy
other Friend: i dont get it
Friend: and you never will
When you hear your mom’s car pull in the driveway and you remember that she told you to take the chicken out of the freezer 7 hours ago.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
Why do Scottish men wear kilts?
Sheep can hear unzipping trousers from a distance of 100 yards.
Want to hear something that’ll make you smile? Your face muscles.
why cant you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom? because the "p" is silent
What do you call a deaf animal? Anything, it can't hear you.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
Did you hear the score in the Eqypt vs Ethiopia football game? Eqypt 8, Ethiopia didn't
When you’re walking through the garden section at Walmart and you hear your grandpa screaming “They’re in the fucking trees!”
Two boys are talking on the bus Boy 1: I feel like i'm forgetting something. Boy 2: hey did you hear about that school shooting last week? Boy 1: oh that's right
Fred and Mary got married, but can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's parent's home for their first night together. In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast. As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his Mom if Fred and Mary are up yet. She replies, "No". Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?" His mom replies, "I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school." Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?" She replies, "No." Johnny says, "Do you know what I think?" His mom replies, "Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school." After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?" His mom says "No." He asks, "Do you know what I think?" His Mom replies, "Ok, do tell me what you think?" He says: "Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think I gave him my airplane glue."
Did you hear about the man who jumped off a bridge in France? He was in Sein.
did u hear about the new german microwave? it has ten seats in it
I was crying at school and telling my friends that my grandpa died. Then I told them I still remember his last words, they wanted to hear them. They are: you still holding the ladder
Did you hear about the gay choirboy? He chocked on his first hymn.
Kid: wanna hear a joke? Me: sure Kid:why diddncjcjcbfjcbcjdbbskzmzj b b j no Me:?
