Heard jokes

Have you heard of the invention of the shovel? It's groundbreaking!

A retired George W. Bush is eating a donut at 7/11 and looks at it. "I'm so happy I did that." A guy overhears the conversation and says, "You're happy you bought that donut? Oh haha, I would be too. I love donuts!" George W. Bush then says, "Oh hahaha, you caught me," and then says, "Oh hahaha, you must have heard me wrong. I said, I'm so happy I did 9/11."

I heard that Uranus is pronounced "yuuranus," but it reminded me of urine! 😆

Have y'all ever heard of dad jokes? Y'all hairline is funnier than those.

I thought I had the best K/D ratio in my fighter jet on Battlefield, then I heard about Mohammed Atta.

A basketball player walks into a strip club:

"Hi, I heard I could bounce some balls here?"

I cleaned my room today. While sweeping under the bed, I heard my mop collide with something. To my surprise, I found Pristiano Penaldo hiding under my bed! My dad said, “Don’t bother sweeping him son, he’s been dusted for years.” I was shocked but not surprised.

Ever heard of ligma? Ligma ba--

If I had a dime for every time I heard someone say that F was the villain (Alphabet Lore), I would be rich.

Follow me.

I heard a noise, so I'm dead.

When I was 11, my mom came home from the bar super drunk that night, and I just wanted to know if they knew where the cat was because I heard a noise. We had a loooooooong talk the next morning.

Have you heard of the Xbox game Sea of Thieves?

See if these nuts fit in your mouth.

Have you heard about the Pillsbury Dough Boy? He died of a yeast infection.

Hiii everyone, I heard from many people that they want to join the "stop orphan jokes" group. Who wants to?

So a mom went to her kid and said, "If you pray to God, He will give you your sight back." So he did exactly that.

The next morning, the mom heard a scream, so she went to the kid's room and asked, "What's wrong?" The kid replied, "It didn't work!" The mom said, "April Fools!"

Have you heard the joke about the paper?

Never mind, it's tear-able.

I heard my neighbors having sex, and it was annoying me, so I called my girlfriend to ask if she wanted to go out, but when I called her, I heard my neighbors' phone ringing.

I left a chunk of ice outside during summer. That was the first time I heard icescream.

When Chris Brown heard he wasn’t the only one to hit a woman.

Stop the cap.

"When I heard that not arguing or fighting in a relationship represents a lack of interest, that's when my girlfriend started missing her makeup box."