Health jokes

A blonde went to an HIV test. When she came back, she said, “The doctors say that I’m all positive!”

Losing weight is a piece of cake. Just don't pick it up.

Stephen Hawking had pins and needles and got told to walk it off.

I love it when cancer hits like a ton of bricks. The best part is when it kills people.

My mom said the happier a person is when sick, the sooner they get better.

So I went to the hospital, hooked up everyone's breathing masks to laughing gas.

What's worse than Aaron with Down syndrome?

Aaron with a rope.

What's the difference between Andy and acne?

Acne waited until Adam could talk before coming on his face.

What do you get from childhood drama? A ginger with autism.

Aaron and Ben meet on Grindr. They have a drink and have sex. They wake up in the morning in bed. Aaron says, "I'm so glad I got it out." Ben replies, "What? Oh, just the HIV."

Did you know that there is a new drug on the market for lesbians who are suffering from depression? It's called Trycoxagain.

What do most disabled people eat?

Their arm.

What do you call a person who smokes?

Smokey the Bear.

Hi, what's your name?

I don't know, I'm disabled.

What's the hardest part about eating a vegetable?

The wheelchair.

What do you call an STD?

Elenji.

What does milk and a kid with cancer have in common?

An expiration date.

What time are most dentist appointments? Tooth hurty.

What did Goodlife Fitness say to LA Fitness? "I guess it's just not 'working out'!"

What did the chocolate dentist say to the other chocolate dentist? Did you "chip" a tooth?

The lady was so fat that when she stepped on the scale, the scale responded with, "I need your weight, not your phone number!"