Health jokes
I'm better than you in every single way... I even have an extra chromosome.
After a lord comes back from vacation, he meets the gardener at the gates of his park.
Lord: "Has something happened while I was gone?"
Gardener: "Ah, nothing much, I just broke a shovel while I was burying your dog."
Lord: "My dog died?!"
Gardener: "Yes, it choked on the smoke when your mansion burnt down."
Lord: "My mansion?! How?!"
Gardener: "Well, your wife was distraught and dropped a candle on the curtains."
Lord: "Why was she so distraught?"
Gardener: "She received the news of your daughter being kidnapped."
Lord: "My daughter! Don't you have any positive news for me?!"
Gardener: "Oh right! Your cancer test results!"
Someone asked me if I was a good sleeper. I told them I'm so good that I can do it with my eyes closed.
A father of a young girl comes to meet the doctor.
Father: Doctor, how is my daughter's report?
Doctor: Congrats, your daughter is pregnant.
Father: WTF ?????? My daughter is 10 years old and unmarried!
A father of a young girl comes and meets the doctor.
Father: Doctor, how is my daughter's report?
Doctor: Congrats, your daughter is pregnant.
Father: WTF ?????? My daughter is 10 years old and unmarried.
I was about to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.
Solve this equation: a gay boy + a whole lot of drugs = A hyped up f'ing machine.
Why did the vampire go to the doctor?
Because of his coffin.
Two cows are out grazing in the field. One cow says to the other cow, "Aren't you worried about this mad cow disease that's been going around?" The other cow replied, "Why would I be worried about mad cow disease? I'm a rabbit!"
What did the kid with Down syndrome say to his friend?
Nothing, he had no friends.
Cancer.
Hey, fatboy, why are you so damn fat?
Because every time I f*** your mom, she gives me a cookie.
How do you know a vampire's sick?
If he's coffin (coughing?)
Canada has free health care, here is a link to some Canada Facts! https://www.1stcontact.com/blog/20-interesting-facts-about-canada
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Steve!"
"Steve who?"
Steve cries, aware that his grandmother's Alzheimer's has reached a point where she can no longer remember him.
My penis is on fire.
What do you call it when a girl on her period goes swimming?
A blood bath.
Q: Why doesn't a skeleton mother drink water?
A: Because it gives her more work!
Boy: Mom, why are you drinking this disgusting red soup? I wanted salad.
Mom: Quiet, son. We only get this once a month.
A guy goes in to get some tests done. The doctor comes out and says, "I got good news and bad news." The guy says, "Ok, let's get the bad news out of the way." The doctor says, "The tests came back positive. You got two weeks to live." The guy says, "Oh My God!! Then what the hell is the good news?" Doctor says "You see that nurse over there, the one with the big tits? I'm screwin' her."