Health jokes
What’s the difference between me and cancer?
My dad didn’t beat cancer.
Patient: "I'm starting to forget things."
Doctor: "Since when have you had this condition?"
Patient: "What condition?"
Knock knock. Who’s there? Mimi. Mimi who? Mimi’s got cancer.
Why does Ella have cancer?
Because she’s stupid.
Why did Mimi cross the road?
She had cancer.
When I went to see the doctor, he remarked that he hadn't seen me in a while.
I said that I have been ill.
The doctor said he had good news and bad news. The good news is that you have 24 hours to live. The bad news is, I forgot to call you yesterday.
A man walked into a bar... He got seven stitches.
I was riding my bike down the road!
When a car started coming, I started running.
It put me in a crash with my elbow through my ass! ;)
Why did the man become stupid?
Cause he was suicidal, herbivorous. Ja...
What's the difference between a baby and an onion?
One cries when you peel its skin off, the other makes you cry when you peel its skin off.
Dolls have wigs made of mohair, cancer patients have wigs of no hair.
Roses are red, give me some limes, boy dies after masturbating 42 times.
Why couldn't the girl brush her hair?
..... She had cancer.... ;)
Hey girl, are you osteoporosis, because you're giving me a "bone" condition.
What's the difference between my dad and cancer? Cancer doesn't leave you.
What does a doctor do to make you better?
Helium.
When a man loses his testosterone,
Man: Could I please have a loaner boner?
A man found out that he was going to die.
A German doctor comes in and says "you have 10 more". The man yells out "10 WHAT!! DAYS!!!! WEEKS!!!". And the doctor says "No seconds". And the man says "9 SECONDS!!!" And the doctor says "Nein. Ten seconds". He asked "How many seconds do I have to live 10, 9 , or...?"
Then he died and learned how to say no in German....
Why did Timmy fall down the stairs?
Because he fell off his wheelchair.