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Health jokes

I have a friend who recently stopped smoking, and the withdrawal was causing hallucination. He went to my house and thought there was a shark in the pond in my backyard. So, I would like to dedicate these lyrics to my friend: "I see a dreamer over there by the water!"

I would like to tell you the name of a song I showed to my friend who had an overdose of LSD.

I see a dreamer.

I find it difficult to count to ten in French: un, deux, trois, quatre, cinq, six, sept.

I can't say the next one because I have a "huit" allergy.

Hey guys, the prank for today is when I lied about feeling sick so I wouldn't have to go to school.

Introduction: This prank was committed a week ago! Around 5:00 a.m. in the morning!

1. I got out some eggs, milk, salt, and a little bit of mashed olives... well those are the main ingredients.

2. I mixed it all up for about 2 mins just to make it look really like barf...no going to school today!

3. I put it under the sofa just to give it some solid scent to it.

4. I fixed my breakfast eggs and bacon. Then when my mom comes down I...PULL OUT MY FAKE BARF!!!!! News flash make a fake excuse for her to leave! My excuse is "I need something its in my room I don't want to get cause it would waste time".

She fell for it. Then I pull out my FAKE barf which looks like real barf. Then you say or I said "Mom I don't feel so good"! News flash: Don't over sell it think about all that boring school work! and guess what she fell for it so I spend all day doing nothing...absolutely nothing!

Well that's the prank. Anymore pranks you want ask me in the comment section! Byeeeeeeeeeee

A cocksucker is still a cocksucker if a cocksucker only sucks for moral, religious, or health reasons, and a vegetarian who doesn't eat meat for moral, religious, or health reasons can still be a cocksucker, so how can a cocksucker be a vegetarian for moral, religious, or health reasons?

What is the difference between a feminist and a vegetarian? A vegetarian doesn't eat meat for moral, religious, or health reasons. However, a feminist doesn't act like a bitch for moral, religious, or health reasons.

The Queen: "I've had a few medical problems this year. I'm so old that my pussy is haunted!"

If I eat a poisonous potato, it attacks my immune system and I die.

But if I poison a poisonous potato, then eat it, then I won't die because the potato is already dead and can't attack my immune system.

Give a man a potato, he is full for a day.

Give a man a poisoned potato, he'll be full for the rest of his life.

If you have an overdose on a drug and die, then half of the least dose would be a lifetime supply.

My doctor said I could have up to 20 units a week. But now I've eaten half of my kitchen.

Would you mind just peeing into this cup, please? It's the one the annoying receptionist uses.

One of my friends named Jill had a drug overdose.

She didn’t have any of that drug after that. For the rest of her life, she acted very high. When she died, it was because of natural causes, not the drug. So this proves that a lethal dose is also a life time supply.

And the winner of the Tour de France is awarded, as ever, with the yellow jersey.

To remind him what color his piss is meant to be.

Well, we've removed all of the excess fat from your body, and all that's left, I'm afraid, is the wig, Mrs. Trump.