Health jokes
During Covid, lockdown went on for so long that even the agoraphobics got cabin fever.
What did the momma grape say to the pappa grape?
"Raisin' our kids is usually pretty fun, but sometimes they get sunburn and I have to take them to the doctor for dry skin."
Why did the loo 🚽 roll roll down the stairs? To get to the bottom.
What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear!
If you wanna get fat, what's the quickest way to do it?
Eat two jars of mayo each day, and in about a month, your scale will have your phone number!
"Just say no to drugs!"
Well, if I'm talking to my drugs, I probably already said yes.
What did the left butt cheek say to the right butt cheek? "Together we can stop this shit!"
If cancer was a person I’d shake their hand and say: "Thank you for your service."
Sorry if it’s too far, but don’t come here if you can’t take it.
A transgender woman with cancer of the tits only has to pay for half the operation.
Hey there, wanna buy some chromosomes?
What do you give a dog with a fever?
Mustard, it's the best thing for a hot dog!
I don’t call it special ED, I call it mixed vegetables.
Why did the tomato blush?
Answer: Because it saw the salad dressing.
My grandpa died to ligma :(
LIGMA BALLS!
Why is 2020 the worst year? Because COVID-19!
My grandma always told my dad if a bird ever got in your house/truck, someone would die later that exact day.
She found out she had cancer. 11 months later, my grandpa died of a stroke. I hope to see them in heaven. I’d like to meet them. Pls comment good things. I really, really love them, even though I didn’t get to meet them. 😭😭😭
What do you call a 3-sum with a girl with AIDS?
Nut in the butt.
What do you call Greg in your class? Obese.
An Autistic chef made hamburgers out of donkey meat.
He called them: “ASPERGER’S”
What are two things you could call a fart?
"Gas from the ass" or "Odor from the motor!"
"It never gets old."
"Just like a sick kid!"