What time is it when dogs get hurt?
Time to take your dog to the vet!
A mom and her two children were eating at a place while playing trivia when she asked what does AIDS stand for? Her son Dallyn has no idea, but her daughter Emberlee, who has always been a little odd, says, "An Intentional Disease." Her brother and mom just stared!
What is your snow ❄️ name? X-ray.
What time is it if you sprain an ankle or an arm?
Time to go to the doctor! 🥼
So what is the difference between a real doctor and a doctor of philosophy?
One cures the sick and the other makes them sick!
What time is it when you get hit by a car? Time to die.
Why does cancer kill you? Because it does. 🌝
What do women and moldy bread have in common?
A yeast infection.
I went to the doctor's yesterday. I said, "When I touch my back, it hurts. When I touch my knee, it hurts. When I touch anything, it hurts!" 😣 What’s wrong with me?
Doctor: You’ve broken your finger.
What kind of ankle are you? A broken ankle.
I went to the eye doctor and I couldn't read. They showed me a picture of a birthday cake and I thought it was a menorah!
What do you call a cow with no toes?
Lac-toes intolerant.
What's the best way to cure the hiccups? Suicide.
What sound does a nut make when it sneezes? Cashew.
There are 4 people in a line. Three stand up and say "We are standing up for cancer," and then there's the one in the wheelchair.
A man was sitting in the restaurant and ordered a whole buffet. He is visited by an oracle. Apollo says, "If you eat that buffet, everyone you love will die."
"Up yours," the man said, "What are they going to die of, famine?"
Moments later, there was an incident that took place in the restaurant. Everyone literally died. It turned out the restaurant had a B-. I said, "Is that really a thing groaning on the hospital?"
The doctor said, "Know that is your condition, you have hepatitis B-."
"What the FU***** SH**"
Apollo is sitting in Mount Olympus, dying also in laughter.
I know a little girl who once had an accident. When I asked her what her favorite song was, she responded with "🎶Head, shoulders, wheels, and frame! Wheels and frame!🎶"
Roses are blue, violets are blue.
What? Ohh, shit!!!!!! I hate having dyslexia!
Make a wish.
Kid: I don't want to go to Disney World, I just want to keep living my life.
Make a Wish Staff: Get the F*** out!
So, a doctor walks into the room with a dying patient. He looks the man up and down and says gravely: "I'm sorry, you only have ten left." The other man smiles nervously and asks, "T-ten what doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?" The doctor calmly looks at him. "Nine."
