Why did the tomato blush?
Answer: Because it saw the salad dressing.
Health Jokes
My grandpa died to ligma :(
LIGMA BALLS!
Why is 2020 the worst year? Because COVID-19!
My grandma always told my dad if a bird ever got in your house/truck, someone would die later that exact day.
She found out she had cancer. 11 months later, my grandpa died of a stroke. I hope to see them in heaven. I’d like to meet them. Pls comment good things. I really, really love them, even though I didn’t get to meet them. 😭😭😭
What do you call a 3-sum with a girl with AIDS?
Nut in the butt.
What do you call Greg in your class? Obese.
An Autistic chef made hamburgers out of donkey meat.
He called them: “ASPERGER’S”
What are two things you could call a fart?
"Gas from the ass" or "Odor from the motor!"
"It never gets old."
"Just like a sick kid!"
Yo mama so fat she can't walk for five seconds without sweating, causing a tsunami!
What do you call an overly clingy child?
A tumor.
What do you call an epileptic kid?
Little Seizures.
My ex is like AIDS! I can't get rid of him.
I got kicked out of a hospital once. I told all the COVID patients to stay positive.
Why are all fat people bad drivers?
They are all hungover.
Today was like every other day. It was so terribly long and so terribly dreary. I fear these feelings will never end. I’ll always feel so dark, feel so hopeless. Sometimes all I want is for it to end. For all of it to end, for all of my thoughts to end. I despise the way that always comes to mind. But I feel so lost, feel so hopeless. If something would just work. But nothing has worked. Nothing can fix this. These feelings will pass. These days won't feel so endless... or so absolutely heavy. Just give it some time. Just give it some hope... and some belief. The ‘happy pills’ will work. The doctor says they'll help... they'll help it go away. Just dump the pill in your hand. Let yourself place the little white thing on your tongue... Let yourself throw your head back and swallow. It'll make this better. It should make me feel better.
Everything has changed! The world is so bright— The world is so loud! I don’t know how I never noticed! The sun is so warm— The grass is so green! I feel so awake! I feel so content— I feel so happy! It’s so strange! I’m not anxious— I’m not overthinking! I guess those pills really worked! I think I’m really getting better— I think I’m really going to be happy!
Why did I cross the road to might get hit by a car or a bus?
Yo mama so fat, when she goes on a diet, it ends world hunger.
This isn't a joke, but in some countries, children eat their shit for better digestion when constipated.
If there's a guy without legs, he begins to hear boss music when a stack of shelves appear.
