Have jokes
Does your shoe have a hole in it?
No.
Then how did you put your foot in it?
I wish I didn't have depression because all my friends have "BBC Bitch be crazy" disease.
Three guys are on a plane: one is Asian, one is Mexican, and the other is an American. The pilot says, "There is too much weight on the plane, you all need to throw something off." So the Mexican threw out a burrito and said, "I have plenty of these where I come from." Then the Asian threw out some rice and said, "I have plenty of these in my country." The American threw out a bomb and said, "I have a lot of these in my country."
The plane crashes anyway, and the three men start to walk away from the crash. As they were walking, they found a boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of burritos fell out of the sky and got me all messy." The men started walking away and soon enough they found another boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of rice fell out of the sky and shredded all my clothes." The guys knew who did it but avoided the trouble. They kept on walking and found a kid laughing so hard he was on the ground, and they asked what had been so funny. The boy said, "MY GRANDPA FARTED AND THE HOUSE BLEW UP!!!"
Ever heard of a rape victim with Alzheimer's?
Yeah, neither have they.
My doctor is a very attractive woman; gorgeous face, nice boobs, smoking hot body. She said to me, “You are in your 50’s now, you have GOT to stop masturbating.” I asked why. She replied, “Because I’m trying to examine you, ya’ pervert!!!”
- I think you're EGGcellent.
+ Wow... You really CRACK ME UP with that joke. I think you're a EGGxtraordinary comedian.
- Really? Are you done yet?.
+ Are you kidding? I have a DOZEN of them.
What's the difference between a chickpea and a lentil?
I've never had a lentil on my face.
A child and a child molester walk into a forest together. The child turns to the molester and says, "Boy, these woods are scary." The molester says to the child, "You think you're scared? I have to walk out of here alone."
What does Jeffrey Dahmer and Travis Scott have in common?
Eight dead people.
What do LGBTQ folk and folk with scoliosis have in common?
None of them are straight.
If having sex for money makes you a wh*re, then what does having sex for free make you?
Non-profit wh*reganisation.
Did you know that people say Michael Jackson only became a pedophile when he was white?
Lucky for him, if he was black he would have been found guilty.
A physicist sees a young man about to jump off the Empire State Building.
He yells, "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"
What do planes and offices have in common?
They both tend to cross paths at the wake of disaster.
What's the difference between a Corvette and a pile of dead babies?
I don't have a Corvette in my garage.
What does a woman and a hurricane have in common?
They’re nice and wet at first, but in the end they take everything.
I would say life's a joke, but I can't, because jokes have a meaning.
There are only 2 genders: if you have a dick, or a pussy.
Why don’t old people have sex?
When was the last time you tried pulling apart a grilled cheese that old?
What does Michael Jackson and caviar have so much in common?
They both come on little white crackers.