Have jokes
What do the Twin Towers and genders have in common? There used to be two of them, but now it's a sensitive subject.
Guy: "Can I tell you a joke?"
Spiderman: "Yes."
Guy: "You only have 11 months on your calendar."
Spiderman: "Why?"
Guy: *holds up knife* "Because I murdered May."
What does Michael Jackson and Chef from South Park have in common?
They both say "Hello children!"
Guess what? I have a baby in ten trashcans.
I was kicked out of an orphanage kitchen because I yelled, "Hurry up, some of us have homes to get back to."
I took my 5 year old son to ride some roller coasters. I think he didn’t like it because I challenged him to a no hands contest.
He said, "But I don’t have any." He wanted to know what dark humor is. Now he knows what it is and what it feels like.
What do sex and food have in common?
Grandma makes both better.
A guy barges into a psychiatrist’s office and screams, “Doctor! I have suicidal tendencies! What do I do?!”
The doctor calmly answers, “Pay me in advance.”
What do women and KFC have in common?
After you get done with the thighs and breasts, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.
What do Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?
They both come while you’re asleep.
What do a blind person and an orphan have in common?
They both cannot see their family.
Q: What do blind kids and orphans have in common?
A: Neither of them get to see their parents.
Someone: PLEASE EAT! I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE!
Me: *Trying to remember how long it would take me to die of starvation because I've already googled it and given up because it takes too long.*
Me: Na, yeah, I still have 19 days left.
God: You're gonna have 2 parents.
Orphan: Double it and give it to the next person.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high, grabbed her thigh, and said, "You know you wanna." Jill said yes and pulled up her dress, and then they had some fun, but silly Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a daughter.
Haha, I fucked you over!
You know that at Walmart they have backpacks next to the guns? Well, I thought that it was nice to see the bags next to the school supplies.
Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, like when I push my autistic brother down the stairs.
A photon is checking into a hotel.
The bellhop asks him, "Do you have any luggage?"
The photon replies, "Nope, I'm traveling light."
After an intense workout, I finally have the body I've always dreamed of.
It's in my basement.
What do rocks and girls have in common?
The flat ones get skipped.