Have jokes
I spy with my little eye nothing because I only have two normal-sized eyes.
22 ants were playing football in a saucer.
One ant said to another one, “We'll have to play better tomorrow. We're playing in the cup!”
What's the best part of having sex on a golf course?
The hole experience.
Why do women rub their eyes in the morning?
Because they don't have balls.
Have you ever tried North Korean food?
Neither have the North Koreans.
Why doesn't Batman have super vision?
His parents died.
Trump is going too far.
He deported a printer because it didn't have papers.
Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new piano?
Neither has he.
What does a shark and a computer have in common?
They both have megabytes.
What do Michelangelo and Kurt Cobain have in common?
They both used their brains to paint the ceiling.
What do friends and trees have in common? They both fall down when you hit them with an axe.
Why is there no open hunting season on hippies?
Have you ever tried to clean one?
A pedophile and a little boy are walking into the woods late at night.
The little boy says, "I'm scared."
The pedophile says, "You think you're scared? I have to walk back alone!"
God said, "Let there be light." Chuck Norris said, "You have to say please first."
Why are cats bad storytellers? Because they only have one tail.
How does a fish always know how much they weigh? -- Because they have their own scales.
What did Earth say to the other planets?
"You guys have no life!"
Why are quantum physicists so poor at sex?
Because when they find the position, they can't find the momentum, and when they have the momentum, they can't find the position.
What do Japanese men do when they vote?
They have an erection.
Why did Beethoven have trouble finding a music teacher? Because his teacher was Haydn.