Have jokes
I was going to buy a pocket calculator. But then I thought, who cares how many pockets I have?
Who can shave 20 times a day and still have a beard? -- A barber.
Why does a milking stool only have 3 legs? -- Because the cow has the udder.
Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? -- Because they lactose.
What do you say to your sister when she's crying? -- "Are you having a crisis?"
How many ears does Captain Picard have?
Three: A left ear, a right ear, and a final front-ear.
What do you call cows that have a sense of humor? -- Laughing stock.
A man walks into a library and says to the librarian, "Do you have that book for men with small penises?"
The librarian looks on her computer and says, "I don't know if it's in yet."
"Yeah, that's the one!"
I have just started a sexual relationship with a blind woman. It's very rewarding, but quite challenging.
Took me ages to get her husband's voice right.
I won the lottery for a million dollars today, so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity.
I now have $999,999.75.
My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic. But if I'm going to have sex, it's going to be on my own Accord.
What is the difference between American teenage girls and Muslim teenage girls? -- American teenage girls get stoned *before* they have sex.
My roommate's diary says I have boundary issues.
What's the difference between America and a bottle of milk?
In 200 years the milk will have developed a culture.
I have a phobia of over-engineered buildings.
It's a complex complex complex.
4, 6, 8, and 9 have all been killed. 2, 3, 5, 7, and 11 are the prime suspects.
How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb? -- One. They are efficient and don't have humor.
Why do women have cleaner minds than men? Because they change theirs more often.
What do prime numbers and stoners have in common? The higher they are, the more spaced out they get.
To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office: I will find you... You have my Word.