Happening jokes
What happens when Stephen Hawking wakes up from his sleep?
"Log in."
Funny thing happened today, my dad came home from work which is weird cause he’s a suicide bomber.
When 9/11 happened, we changed our airport policies. When school shootings happen, we haven't changed anything since the shooting at Columbine in 1999. And we say we want the children to be safe.
Kid: Dad, what happened to the kidnapper?
Dad: He had a nap.
Kid: Where is he now?
Dad: HELL!
What can happen if you bring a hooker into a stranger's house? He will ask you, "Really, are you nuts?"
What happened to watersharky?
"What happens when an Asian man runs into a brick wall?"
"A broken nose."
911 happened a while ago and it's slowly losing its fame.
Time for a remake!
Doctor, Doctor, I discovered one of the base pairs in my genetic code is erroneously a stop codon?
Nonsense! That shouldn't be happening!
When an emo kid jumps out of a tree, what happens when he hits the ground?
Nothin' much, he just flops over an hour later when they untie the rope.
There once was a brother and a sister. So, one night, it's storming really bad and the sister goes into the brother's room and asks, "Can I stay with you tonight because I'm scared?" The brother replies with, "Yeah, sure, but just don't tell Mom." So the girl climbs into the bed and looks under the sheets to see the boy's penis and asks, "What's that?" And the boy replies with, "That's my pet snake." And the girl asks, "Can I pet it?" And the boy says, "Sure, just don't tell Mom." And the boy falls asleep and wakes up in a hospital and asks, "What happened?" And the girl said, "I pet the snake but it spit on me so I bit its head off."
Three guys are stranded with cannibals on an island. The cannibals said, "Each one of you come back with 10 pieces of fruit and shove them up your butt showing no emotion." The first guy came back with 10 apples, and by the second one, he started to grunt, so he was killed and eaten.
The second one came back with cherries, and when he went to put the 10th one in, he started to laugh, so he was killed and eaten. The two guys met in heaven, and the first guy said, "Dude, you were so close. What happened?" The second one said, "I would have made it, but I saw the third guy come back with 10 pineapples!!" 😝😝🤣🤣
You are what happens when women drink during pregnancy.
Me: Do you ever just walk into a room and forget what you were doing?
Bank teller: [eyes wide] Uhhhhh...
Me: *scratches head with gun* Man, I hate it when this happens.
People told Kobe to fly high. Look what happened.
Paddy and Seamus work at the Guinness factory, and Seamus has a horrible accident and dies at work.
Paddy agrees to tell Seamus' wife the bad news. He knocks on the door, and Seamus' wife answers. "What's happened, Paddy?" Paddy frowns. "I'm sorry to say poor Seamus fell into the Guinness vat and drowned, I'm so sorry." She started to cry and asked Paddy: "Did he at least die quickly?" Seamus shook his head, "No, he got out 3 times for a pee."
What happens when a guy is in a pool with a deck and no one is around? The guy has to pee, get up on the deck, and stick it between the bars and pee.
What happens when a cow masturbates?
Beef jerky.
What happens when you make an asían girl squirt?
She charges you 10 cents for extra sauce.
When I was going downstairs, Sum Ting Wong fell, and doctors say Sum Ting Wong happened.