Happening jokes
One time the dog got bit by a snake, so my dad had to shoot it. My dad said to me, "This is what's going to happen to your little brother." "What little brother?" Exactly.
If white people turn black when they char, what happens to the black ones?
What happened when the dog played golf?
He hit the ball into the ruff.
Little Johnny was in kindergarten, and his teacher said, "Okay, everyone, tomorrow you must come to school and recite the first three letters of the alphabet." Johnny didn't know the alphabet, so he decided to ask his family. He walked into the kitchen to find his mom on the phone. He says, "Mama, what's the first letter of the alphabet?" His mom doesn't notice him standing there and says, "If you don't shut the fuck up right now-" So he goes to find his brother watching TV, and he says, "Tommy, what's the second letter of the alphabet?" His brother doesn't notice him and says, "I'm Batman." So he went to his grandma who was knitting and says, "Grandma, what's the third letter of the alphabet?" The grandma then realizes she left her biscuits in the oven for too long and says, "My biscuits are burning! My Biscuits are burning!" Satisfied with the answers given to him, he thinks it over and goes to school the next morning. When his teacher comes to Johnny, she says, "Johnny, what are the first three letters of the alphabet?" "If you don't shut the fuck up right now," Johnny says. "Who do you think you are, young man, to talk to someone like me that way?" the teacher asks. "I'm Batman," Johnny says. The teacher whups his ass, and little Johnny says, "My biscuits are burning! My Biscuits are burning!"
Later that day, he understands what happened and can't tell which was worse, that he accidentally cussed at his teacher or that his family was ignoring him.
A young orphan boy goes to school for the first time. A bigger boy comes and punches him. He says, "What are you gonna do, cry to your mommy?" The boy cries.
Next morning, he wakes up and comes to school. The same thing happens, but the older boy brings his friends. This time, after he says, "You gonna tell your mom?", the little boy says, "Yes, I will tell them that there is company coming over."
Happens a lot to me😐
Q. What happens when a pedophile spills his coffee? A. It leaves an EP-stain.
Did you hear what happened to Lorainna Bobbit? She was in an accident on the Garden State Parkway. She told the State Police Officer, "That some dick cut her off."
Yo hairline is so far back that it was there before the Big Bang happened.
What happened to people in Hiroshima and Nagasaki? They swapped races.
911 happened a while ago and it's slowly losing its fame.
Time for a remake!
Where would the next Formula race happen?
Answer: On your flat chest.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I was born pretty, what happened to you?
What happens to teeth when they go in water?
Bro, I dunno, they get wet?
What happened when the emo tried to high five a tree?
It left him hanging.
Planes shouldn't have free Wi-Fi. Why? Because the last time they had free Wi-Fi, well here's what happened...
On September eleventh 2001, (children scream).
What happened to the cheetah that took too many baths?
The cheetah became spotless!
Yo what quacking lacking? Looking for a ducking good time? I've got some one lines and knee slappers that ought to fix the bill. What happens flied upside down? It quacks up.
What happens when a cow farm gets destroyed, then built up again?
It'll be udder renovation!
What happens when there's ten people in one house and they all have to shit and there's one bathroom?
It's a motherfucking shitshow party!
What happens when you have a bladder infection? You're in trouble!