Happening Jokes

What does E.T. stand for ? Because he has little legs.

What does S.H. stand for ? He doesn't.

What does S.H. stand for ? Shit happens.

to men walk into a bar the 1st says hey hows it going the 2 one says great but then the 3rd man says hello where did my wife go i swear she as just here what happened to the 3rd guys wife

What happens if you play with Santa’s ball you get a white Christmas

A sister went to her brothers room and says Sr:am scared can I sleep with you Br:yes siso Sr:what is this (pointing at his dick) Br:my pet 🐍 Sr:can I pet it Br:yes He wake up in a 🏥 Br:what happened Sr:your 🐍spit on me so I bit his head of Br:you dummy Sr:whaaat

I was talking to a muslem yesterday, And he asked me what it's like to be blind. I happened to tell him about 20 jokes, in fact I was working on my twentieth. So I answered with "At least I don't have to screw in light bulbs. It 's not like I need the damn things anyway.

What happens when the music note starts to misbehave? Then he gets into treble!

A blonde crashes a airplane Officer: could you please explain to me what happened? Woman: It got so cold in the plane I turned the fan off. Officer: *face palms self* Also officer: Here's you sign

It's hard to predict the future, especially before it happens.

What Happens When You Get Caught On Fire? —You Lost To Slmebody When You Were Playing Hide And Seek And The Place Where You Got Caught Was Exactly On A Patch Of Fire.

What happens when you eat salmon with nutella?

You get salmonella

Stormtrooper: What happened to the Jedi order? Palpatine: Slew it!

An Irish man walks out of a bar. It can happen.

Q: Did you hear about the Twin Towers? A: No, what happened? Q: Apparently, the design was fundamentally floored!

What happens if you sit under a cow You get a pat an the head

What happens when you cross a pig and karate. A Porkchop

you where born on the free way you know why because

thats where alot of accidents happen 😈

I feel bad for cumming on my turtle

Why the fuck would I do that. I should have never masturbated in front of my turtle. So basically I was watching porn in my 55 inch tv and my turtle was next to me in the couch. The porno was really old. It was a DVD from 2002. It was probably the hottest porn I have ever watch and honestly I'm probably going to watch porn on dvd instead from the internet. The only reason I had my turtle with me was because whenever I cum, I feel really depressed and lonely, so I thought that if my turtle watched with my I wouldn't feel lonely. Well I started stroking my willie, I used lotion, i took all my clothes off, but my dumbass forgot the tissues. I realized that I forgot to grab tissues but it was too late. I was going to cum. I didn't want to cum everywhere so I had to think fast. It was when I saw my turtle when I realized what I had to do. I came like a motherfucker. My turtle was painted with my cum in his tiny little face and all around his shell. He didn't say a word about it, he didn't move, he just stood there looking at me like I killed a bunch of children. I would never forgot the look my turtle gave me. His disappointing face broke my heart. I put on my clothes, I took my turtle to the bathroom and cleaned him off. What happened, happened. But my turtle would never forgot what happened. My turtle, Tommy, would never forgive me. Today, I passed by him and I know he still remembers what i did to him 3 hours ago. My only wish, is that one day, Tommy the turtle will forgive me for my horrible sins.