Gun jokes

Roses are red, so is my gun. Why do you ask? Because it's full of blood.

What do you call a wheelchair person with a gun? Special ops.

You know that at Walmart they have backpacks next to the guns? Well, I thought that it was nice to see the bags next to the school supplies.

My name is Dan, I wear white Vans, I have a gun, get in the van!

A burglar breaks into a weapons engineer's house, hoping to loot the high-tech arsenal. Suddenly, the engineer yells from upstairs, "Hey! Stop right there!"

The burglar, trying to play tough, screams, "Hands up! I know you've got the goods! Open the armory or I'll shoot!"

The engineer, trembling, cries, "Okay, okay! Don't shoot! I'll give you everything, even my latest prototype!"

The burglar, eyes gleaming with greed, demands, "Prove it! Let me see this fancy new gun first!"

The engineer points to a target range. "It's a plasma blaster," he claims. "Go ahead, give it a shot."

The burglar aims at the bullseye, pulls the trigger, and—BANG!—the gun fires directly into his own chest.

As the thief collapses, the engineer cackles, "Surprise! It's not plasma; it's my new 'Reverse-Recoil Special,' specifically designed for uninvited guests!"

Easy way to get away from rape is to become the rapist. All women need to carry a 12-inch dildo and a gun!

What do gum and guns have in common?

When you pull one out, everyone wants to be your friend all of a sudden.

When you decide to turn your high school into your personal shooting range, but you don’t give any proper notice except for a bullet to the head...

Australian says to American: why do you have such bad gun laws?

American: Self defense.

Australian: Self defense against 50 innocent children?

What's America's no. 1 class?

Target practice.

What's the difference between a yandere and a gun?

Nothing.

Flip them off the wrong way and you're dead.

I saw two blind men fighting at the mall. I yelled, "He has a gun!" They both ran.

What's the rarest gun you can find in Africa? A water gun.

George, when I saw your face, I had to shoot you with a Nerf gun. If you died, wimp.

So the fire alarm went off, but as soon as they walked out of the classroom, the only fire they saw was out of a gun.

I went to a gun shop yesterday. Everything was half off. I didn't know that back to school sales have begun.

German XP farms: Train carrying chained guys.

American XP farms: Walking up to a school with a gun.

African XP farms: Cotton field.

If I was in a room with Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, Hitler, and my greatest enemy, I would pour out the bullets and beat my enemy with the gun.

I taped a picture of Bill Cosby to my gun, now it's an assault rifle.

The gay kid tried to shoot up the school, but his shots would not go straight.