Government jokes
My cat sleeps about 20 hours a day. She has her food prepared for her. She can eat whenever she wants, 24/7/365. Her meals are provided at no cost to her. She visits the doctor once a year for her checkup, and again during the year if any medical needs arise. For this she pays nothing, and nothing is required of her.
She lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than she needs, but she is not required to do any upkeep. If she makes a mess, someone else cleans it up. She has her choice of luxurious places to sleep. She receives these accommodations absolutely free. She is living like a queen, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever. All of her costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living every day.
I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick in the head, Holy Sh*t, my cat is a Democrat!
Biden: Shut up, Trump, disrespectful!
President: You are the one with the inappropriate hair touching, bro. 😎😎😎😎😎😎
Biden: -laughs hard because sloppy Joe can't do anything.
I'm late for my interview! Do you know where the nearest sex offender registry is?
What do you call a bullet head?
JFK.
Why are Communists considered the left?
Because they can’t do anything right.
Vote Biden or Trump, I like neither, but I want to know what the world would say. (Don't judge other people.)
The pilot that hit the Pentagon must suck at sex because he missed the hole.
Your mom is so ugly Biden likes her.
Healthcare these days is a bit of an Obamanation.
What does NASA mean? No Apes Submit Astronauts.
Can people please shut up about "male privileges"? There is no right that men have that women don't.
Women have the right to genital integrity. Women can vote without having to sign up for the draft.
Women have the right to choose parenthood; men do not.
Women have the right to be assumed caregivers for children.
Women have the right to call unwanted, coerced sex rape.
Women have the right to lower jail sentences for the same crime.
Women have the right to not be assumed sexual predators.
Women have the right to government departments that solely serve their interests. They also have the luxury of "women only" events that men cannot even dream of. (They even took the boy scouts away from us.)
Women have the right to government-enforced gender quotas.
Women have the right to exclusive tax benefits for being a business owner.
Women have the right to domestic violence shelters.
Women have the right to not be assumed the primary aggressor in a domestic dispute.
Women have the right to rape a man or boy, and if she gets pregnant from that man/boy, they can sue him for child support.
So it is women who have more rights.
So shut up, feminists, please.
Today we need to teach our teens about having safe sex while using contraceptives.
Condoms 99 percent effective.
Birth control 99 percent effective.
Etc.
Just be like me and use underage 7 year olds works 100 percent of the time (only cost 20 years in jail ;)
How do you tell the difference between a Communist and everybody else? The way they are spelled.
The moment when you tell an illegal immigrant to go home and he walks to the jail cell and closes it.
What does NASA stand for? Need Another Seven Astronauts.
What do you call two old men drooling in their wheelchairs?
The 2028 US election.
I was looking at our Human Services Minister and thinking I'm surprised he's married.
The things you do for your cousins!
What’s the difference between a cow and Hitler jokes?
You can’t milk the cow after 12 years.
Trump really fractured the US with his 1/6 insurrection...
Why is Donald Trump under so much stress?
Because he signed up to be on an album where somebody says "no love for the rich" on it.