Government jokes
Unlike the Americans, Hitler knew when to kill himself.
In Soviet Russia,
You love Chinese and hate Chinese.
Why was going through JFK's head when he was getting assassinated? A bullet.
Biden
Hillary for president.
Memes
I can tell why the Founding Fathers adopted the Constitution, because nobody likes it.
A day in the life of a Biden voter.
$2000 stimulus check? Nah, $1400...some day.
No more kids in cages? Nah, more kids in cages.
$15 minimum wage? Nah, $11. Maybe.
50k loan forgiveness? Nah. Lol.
No more deportations? Nah, they're still leaving.
Women's rights? Nah, dudes in women's sports.
New COVID bill? Nah, mostly bailouts and pet projects.
Cheap insulin? Nah, jack those prices up.
Defeat fascism? Nah, barbed wire fences around DC.
What's the difference between a five-year-old and a Democrat?
The five-year-old doesn't expect you to do everything for them.
(Vote for Ted Cruz, Ben Shapiro 2020)
What was the nickname for the knight who ruled the fort?
"Fortnite"
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" The dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your mother, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the working class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense."
The little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has soiled his diaper. The little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.
The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."
The little boy replies, "Well, while capitalism is screwing the working class, the government is sound asleep, the people are being ignored and the future is in deep shit."
What's the only type of abortion Republicans will never do anything to prevent?
A school shooting.
Why is the Pentagon mad?
Because it didn't get two pizzas, but only one plane pizza.
Me: punching a kid.
My FBI agent: You're adopted.
Why are Americans so bad at chess? Because they already lost two towers.
What's the difference between Obama and Trump?
Obama was a president and Trump was a whiny bitch!
"Pootin is a pussy won't even fight in the war that he started!"
"Pootin is a pussy and Ukraine is beating Russia's ass!"
What's Barack Obama's favorite vegetable? It's Barack-olli.
Ever notice 9-1-1 (the number for the po-po) is the Great Date (9-11)... Hmmm.
Politics.
Why did Kamala Harris visit the library?
To check out some “law” books and maybe return a few skeletons.