Government jokes
A day in the life of a Biden voter.
$2000 stimulus check? Nah, $1400...some day.
No more kids in cages? Nah, more kids in cages.
$15 minimum wage? Nah, $11. Maybe.
50k loan forgiveness? Nah. Lol.
No more deportations? Nah, they're still leaving.
Women's rights? Nah, dudes in women's sports.
New COVID bill? Nah, mostly bailouts and pet projects.
Cheap insulin? Nah, jack those prices up.
Defeat fascism? Nah, barbed wire fences around DC.
What's the difference between a five-year-old and a Democrat?
The five-year-old doesn't expect you to do everything for them.
(Vote for Ted Cruz, Ben Shapiro 2020)
What was the nickname for the knight who ruled the fort?
"Fortnite"
Why is the Pentagon mad?
Because it didn't get two pizzas, but only one plane pizza.
The pilot that hit the Pentagon must suck at sex because he missed the hole.
Me: punching a kid.
My FBI agent: You're adopted.
Why are Americans so bad at chess? Because they already lost two towers.
What's the difference between Obama and Trump?
Obama was a president and Trump was a whiny bitch!
"Pootin is a pussy won't even fight in the war that he started!"
"Pootin is a pussy and Ukraine is beating Russia's ass!"
What's Barack Obama's favorite vegetable? It's Barack-olli.
Politics.
Ever notice 9-1-1 (the number for the po-po) is the Great Date (9-11)... Hmmm.
Why did Kamala Harris visit the library?
To check out some “law” books and maybe return a few skeletons.
My cat sleeps about 20 hours a day. She has her food prepared for her. She can eat whenever she wants, 24/7/365. Her meals are provided at no cost to her. She visits the doctor once a year for her checkup, and again during the year if any medical needs arise. For this she pays nothing, and nothing is required of her.
She lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than she needs, but she is not required to do any upkeep. If she makes a mess, someone else cleans it up. She has her choice of luxurious places to sleep. She receives these accommodations absolutely free. She is living like a queen, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever. All of her costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living every day.
I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick in the head, Holy Sh*t, my cat is a Democrat!
Biden: Shut up, Trump, disrespectful!
President: You are the one with the inappropriate hair touching, bro. 😎😎😎😎😎😎
Biden: -laughs hard because sloppy Joe can't do anything.
I'm late for my interview! Do you know where the nearest sex offender registry is?
What do you call a bullet head?
JFK.
Vote Biden or Trump, I like neither, but I want to know what the world would say. (Don't judge other people.)
Your mom is so ugly Biden likes her.
Healthcare these days is a bit of an Obamanation.