Government jokes
What did Julius say when he saw a woman stealing an expensive chandelier?
“Guards! Seize her (Caesar)!”
Who are voting for this election? I'm voting for Tricity, so vote for Tricity. Electricity!
*Knock Knock* Who's there? Social Services...
A thief walks up to a man in a suit and pulls out a gun. The thief says: "Give me your money." The man in the suit turns around surprised. He raises his hands and says: "But, wait! You can't do that, I am a Congressman!" The thief replies: "Oh, sorry. Give me MY money."
Want to hear a racist joke?
Donald Trump.
Are you a nation leader or an email deleter?
If the red house is on the left, and the blue house on the right, where is the white house?
In Washington D.C.
Communist jokes suck... unless everyone gets them.
Wanna hear a racist joke?...
Donald Trump.
Hitler was a dic-tator.
Do you know why no one speaks about George Washington?
John Adams turned him into atoms. John Adams was an alien.
EU Delegate: "Sir, your country has the highest corruption and crime rate out of any other member nations. What do you have to say?"
Ambassador: *tries slipping the delegate 40 Euros* "You didn't see any statistics."
What comes after 611? 711.
What comes after that? 811.
What comes after that? George W. Bush.
Why is Donald Trump president?
So he can deport Mexicans to Mexico.
What is the chair's favorite person?
A sit-izen.
Communism jokes aren't funny unless everyone gets it.
What was the nickname for the knight who ruled the fort?
"Fortnite"
Trump says to Obama, "You know it’s the White House, not the black house, right?" And Obama says, "Yeah, but it isn’t the orange house either."
Why are Americans so bad at chess? Because they already lost two towers.
During the election campaign of 2012, we heard about Obama, but we thought they said Osama. So I told my friend, "Grab his gun and let's have some fun." So during one of Obama's campaigns, we both shot him to death, which lasted a while.
Then my friend said, "Let's go get piss drunk at Mavericks bar." Then on TV they talked about Obama's death, and everybody but 2 guys cheered. Then guess what, we loaded our guns and lit those 2 guys up like we did to Obama.