Government jokes
I'm George Washington. I can't spell "teeth" or "American."
What's the difference between a five-year-old and a Democrat?
The five-year-old doesn't expect you to do everything for them.
(Vote for Ted Cruz, Ben Shapiro 2020)
Q: What did the kid say as he tossed a chair to his neighbor's house?
A: You're the chairman of the board!
"myname is president trump i am stupid!!! I am SO STUPID!! AJsifdjsaoifjhdsfoijds"
Ever notice 9-1-1 (the number for the po-po) is the Great Date (9-11)... Hmmm.
FEMA during a natural disaster is kinda like me during sex. Slow to respond and not a lot of satisfying results.
Hillary Clinton would make a good president.
The moment when you tell an illegal immigrant to go home and he walks to the jail cell and closes it.
Everyone: What does NASA mean?
NASA's response: National Aeronautics and Space Administration.
Everyone: What does NASA mean?
Arinator's response: National Ariana and Space Ariana.
What did kings say when they were made king?
Allah ail (All hail) [insert name here]!
A guy walks up to me and says, "I wonder if the hookman is real?"
I reply saying, "Yeah, it's Asa Hutchinson, lol."
What do orphans need in order to mail letters?
Food stamps.
Healthcare these days is a bit of an Obamanation.
What do you call a country with nukes?
Abomination.
"Bippity Boppity Boo, Donald Trump is gonna deport you!"
Donald Trump is still the president, even after the government has been shut down.
Trump.
Get it because Trump is a joke hahaha, I am sooo bad!
Once I went to a museum and overheard someone speaking to an employee for information.
"These are lying clocks; they tell how many lies a person tells."
"Oh, cool."
"This is Mother Teresa's clock; the clock hasn't moved because she never lied."
"Makes sense."
"This is Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands only moved twice, indicating he only lied twice."
"Where's Trump's clock?"
"Oh, we're using it as a ceiling fan."
And then I burst out laughing 'cause it's so true.
What did Julius say when he saw a woman stealing an expensive chandelier?
“Guards! Seize her (Caesar)!”
Who are voting for this election? I'm voting for Tricity, so vote for Tricity. Electricity!