God's Will jokes

Life isn't about pleasing yourself and that you have to do things for the sole benefit of God.

It’s like masturbation. Sometimes it’s not getting yourself off, but getting someone else off too. That’s what thighjobs are for.

So a mom went to her kid and said, "If you pray to God, He will give you your sight back." So he did exactly that.

The next morning, the mom heard a scream, so she went to the kid's room and asked, "What's wrong?" The kid replied, "It didn't work!" The mom said, "April Fools!"

Roses are red,

Violets are blue.

God made me pretty, what happened to you?

I took my mother-in-law out yesterday.

God being a sniper is so fun!

Me, holding a baby: "Oh my God, it's so cute!"

Also me: "Throw it."

Son: I heard mom got stung by a few bees this morning. Is she ok? Hospital?

Dad: She's ok now, no hospital.

Dad: She had to take the deep penis.

Son: Umm...... WHAT!?

Dad: I had to inject her with an EPIC PENIS.

Dad: Oh for god's sakes.

Dad: Epi Pen.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Golly.

Golly who?

Godly leave me alone!

God, when terminally ill children beg him to heal them:

God: No, I don’t want to.

What’s the difference between God and Hitler?

God made thousands of bread, Hitler made thousands of toast.

Do y'all love Jesus, God? 🙏❤️

Do you want to give your life to God and be in Heaven?

I saw a kid crying. I asked him where his parents were. God, I love working at the orphanage!

Your forehead [is] so big scientists measured it, studied it, and then finally they said: "Oh my God... your forehead is so big it's a 50 mile car ride from your eyebrows to your hair!"

This guy comes knocking on the door in hell and speaks to God. "Please let me out, it is too cold in here!"

God is all confused. "There is a big fire in there!" The guy answers, "Yes, there is, but you cannot get near it. All the bishops, cardinals, and priests are sitting around it."

Me: *reading a sign* "Children are a gift from god."

Me: "No, they are a gift from the underworld."

Mother: "Yeah, I picked you up at the gift shop on my way out."

Mother: "You are a spawn of Satan."

Why is the elephant headed God the true God?

Because he doesn't exist!

The only reason communism started was because God looked at your face.

Why don’t babies pollinate flowers?

God chose Plan B.

When God said, "Let there be light," He saw your mum and said, "Let there be dark."

Roses are red, violets are blue, I pray God I'm not so ugly as you.