God's Will jokes
When God created mankind, he said, "Damn it! One is off color, the other yellowish. The last one is burnt!"
Why is my anus burning?
'Cause I sat on an open lighter, oh god, help!
You're so short that I had to ask God why he made you short-ass toothpick legs.
Me: Hey God, are you there? It's me, Michael.
God: *SILENCE*
Me: If any gods exist, they better say or do something this instant!
God: *SILENCE*
Orphan: Where are my parents?
God: New York City.
Orphan: But they used to live in China.
Memes
What did Satin say to God??
"Bitch, what the fuck you looking at?"
Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
God made me pretty, what happened to you?
So a mom went to her kid and said, "If you pray to God, He will give you your sight back." So he did exactly that.
The next morning, the mom heard a scream, so she went to the kid's room and asked, "What's wrong?" The kid replied, "It didn't work!" The mom said, "April Fools!"
I took my mother-in-law out yesterday.
God being a sniper is so fun!
Premise 1: IF God exists, he exists.
Premise 2: If God exists, he exists.
Premise 3: IF God exists, he definitely exists.
Conclusion: Therefore he exists.
God took away Stephen Hawking's privileges.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Golly.
Golly who?
Godly leave me alone!
Me: *reading a sign* "Children are a gift from god."
Me: "No, they are a gift from the underworld."
Mother: "Yeah, I picked you up at the gift shop on my way out."
Mother: "You are a spawn of Satan."
Girl: "Dad."
Dad: "Do I love you?"
Girl: "I am a prostitute."
Dad: "Yes."
Woman 2: "Dad."
Dad: "Right?"
Woman 2: "I'm a woman too."
Father: "God, do you love children?"
Boy: "Yes..."
I saw a kid crying. I asked him where his parents were. God, I love working at the orphanage!
Your forehead [is] so big scientists measured it, studied it, and then finally they said: "Oh my God... your forehead is so big it's a 50 mile car ride from your eyebrows to your hair!"
This guy comes knocking on the door in hell and speaks to God. "Please let me out, it is too cold in here!"
God is all confused. "There is a big fire in there!" The guy answers, "Yes, there is, but you cannot get near it. All the bishops, cardinals, and priests are sitting around it."
First bite: Oh my God!
Second bite: Oh my, God!
In 2011, Stephen Hawking said God didn’t exist.
In 2018, God said Stephen Hawking didn’t exist. xx 😂😂
Texter 1: You know People treat me like a god.
Texter 2: How?
Texter 1: They ignore my existence unless they need something.