God's Will Jokes

Son: I heard mom got stung by a few bees this morning is she ok? hospital? Dad: She's ok now. no hospital. Dad: She had to take the deep penis. Son: Umm...... WHAT!? Dad: I had to inject her with an EPIC PENIS Dad: Oh for god's sakes Dad: Epi Pen

Yo hair line so messed up god said yo hair line on the cross getting hit on that ceoss

Why is my anus burning? Cause I sat on an open lighter oh god help

Your so short that I had to ask god why he made you short ass toothpick legs

Why do we call it dead bodies? Nobody says alive bodies! like you walk into your workplace, "OMFG ITS FULL OF BODIES! Alive ones tho." You wouldn't give birth and say, "Come on husband, help me with the bodies." If its a surprise party, you wouldn't say, "QUICK, HIDE THE BODIES!" And the person who the party was for wouldn't say "OH MY GOD WHY ARE THEY DEAD!"

I took my mother-in-law out yesterday God being a sniper is so fun

Me: Hey god are you there" it's me Michael "god":*SILENCE* Me: If any gods exist they better say or do something this instant. "god": *SILENCE*

Yo mama so fat that the avengers team had to snap five times and say oh my God

There are three people on the steps of Heaven. God tells them all he is having a good day and if they make him laugh by telling him how they died he will let them in. The first one said I just finished a long day of work and I get home and right as I stepped in I knew my wife was cheating on me. I searched everywhere and I couldn’t find anybody so I got a drink and went to the balcony and then I saw him, hanging off the ledge of the balcony. I kicked his hands but he wouldn’t fall so I threw a Refrigerator at him and I fell with the Refrigerator. God busted out laughing and let him in. The next person walked up and God told him the same thing he told the other person. God told him that he didn’t think that he could make him laugh more than the first person. The second guy said, so get this I’m a window washer on the 8th floor I’m washing the windows like normal and this enraged psychopath walks up and starts kicking my hands and then he throws a refrigerator at me and I die. God bursts out laughing so much to where he falls off his chair and he lets the guy through. The next guy comes up and God tells him the same thing he told the last two people and he tells him that there is no way that he can make him laugh more than the other two did. So he starts talking. So get this I’m in a refrigerator...

roses are red violets blue i thank god im not as ugly as you

When God had to take a shit from making a good wife. You pasted between his ass cheeks...

If we can't say god in vane why dose he get to.

Life isn't about pleasing yourself and that you have to do things for the sole benefit of God. It’s like masturbation. Sometimes it’s not getting yourself off, but getting someone else off too. That’s what thighjobs are for.

OH MY GOD! IT SPEAKS!

one night a father heard his daugter saying good night good night mom god night dad good night mamah good by papa the next day her papa died he heard her saying them a month later good night mom god night dad good by mamah the next day her mamah died well her dad was scared for his life he knew he was next well his daugter said them again good night mom good by dad the next day the mail man droped dead on their porch.

What did satin say to god??

Bitch what the fuck you looking at

So a mom went to her kid and said "If you pray to god, he will give you your sight back" so he did exactly that The next morning the mom heard a scream, so she went to the kids room and asked "whats wrong" the kid replied it didn't work" The mom said "April Fools"