God's Will jokes

God, when terminally ill children beg him to heal them:

God: No, I don’t want to.

What’s the difference between God and Hitler?

God made thousands of bread, Hitler made thousands of toast.

Do you want to give your life to God and be in Heaven?

God took away Stephen Hawking's privileges.

Premise 1: IF God exists, he exists.

Premise 2: If God exists, he exists.

Premise 3: IF God exists, he definitely exists.

Conclusion: Therefore he exists.

Me, holding a baby: "Oh my God, it's so cute!"

Also me: "Throw it."

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Golly.

Golly who?

Godly leave me alone!

Son: I heard mom got stung by a few bees this morning. Is she ok? Hospital?

Dad: She's ok now, no hospital.

Dad: She had to take the deep penis.

Son: Umm...... WHAT!?

Dad: I had to inject her with an EPIC PENIS.

Dad: Oh for god's sakes.

Dad: Epi Pen.

Freddy: I'm coming for you >:)

Me: God, no, help!

*game notification pops up with very loud sound*

When God created mankind, he said, "Damn it! One is off color, the other yellowish. The last one is burnt!"

I saw a kid crying. I asked him where his parents were. God, I love working at the orphanage!

Your forehead [is] so big scientists measured it, studied it, and then finally they said: "Oh my God... your forehead is so big it's a 50 mile car ride from your eyebrows to your hair!"

This guy comes knocking on the door in hell and speaks to God. "Please let me out, it is too cold in here!"

God is all confused. "There is a big fire in there!" The guy answers, "Yes, there is, but you cannot get near it. All the bishops, cardinals, and priests are sitting around it."

What did God say when he created the first black person?

"Behold, this specimen of divine integrity!"

God, you're more toxic than white phosphorus.

Why did God create sex for marriage?

Because he wanted more people and less fun.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I pray God I'm not so ugly as you.

What's the difference between a God and my mom?

My mom exists. I mean... she did at one point! Unlike any "Gods."

The only reason communism started was because God looked at your face.

When God said, "Let there be light," He saw your mum and said, "Let there be dark."