Roses are red violts are blue god made me pritty what happend to you
Son: I heard mom got stung by a few bees this morning is she ok? hospital? Dad: She's ok now. no hospital. Dad: She had to take the deep penis. Son: Umm...... WHAT!? Dad: I had to inject her with an EPIC PENIS Dad: Oh for god's sakes Dad: Epi Pen
God, when terminally ill children beg him to heal them:
God: No, I don’t want to.
Do y'all love Jesus, God? 🙏❤️
Do you want to give your life to God and be in Heaven?
What’s the difference between God and Hitler?
God made thousands of bread, Hitler made thousands of toast.
I took my mother-in-law out yesterday.
God being a sniper is so fun!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Golly.
Golly who?
Godly leave me alone!
What did Satin say to God??
"Bitch, what the fuck you looking at?"
Life isn't about pleasing yourself and that you have to do things for the sole benefit of God.
It’s like masturbation. Sometimes it’s not getting yourself off, but getting someone else off too. That’s what thighjobs are for.
If we can't say "God" in vain, why does He get to?
Me: Hey God, are you there? It's me, Michael.
God: *SILENCE*
Me: If any gods exist, they better say or do something this instant!
God: *SILENCE*
Why is my anus burning?
'Cause I sat on an open lighter, oh god, help!
You're so short that I had to ask God why he made you short-ass toothpick legs.
Premise 1: IF God exists, he exists.
Premise 2: If God exists, he exists.
Premise 3: IF God exists, he definitely exists.
Conclusion: Therefore he exists.
God took away Stephen Hawking's privileges.
So a mom went to her kid and said, "If you pray to God, He will give you your sight back." So he did exactly that.
The next morning, the mom heard a scream, so she went to the kid's room and asked, "What's wrong?" The kid replied, "It didn't work!" The mom said, "April Fools!"
Orphan: Where are my parents?
God: New York City.
Orphan: But they used to live in China.
Yo mama so fat that the Avengers team had to snap five times and say, "Oh my God!"
Yo, your hairline so messed up God said your hairline on the cross getting hit on that cross.
