Go jokes
There's one shop orphans can't go to, but what is it?
Home Depot.
What were the terrorist of 9/11 thinking?
We can’t go over it, we can’t go under it, we'll have to go through it.
I went to a birthday party and told dad jokes.
The jokes didn't go over well. I was asked to leave the orphanage.
Little Johnny and little Sally walked in on Mommy and Daddy going at it in the bedroom doggy style. They innocently ask, "Mommy, Daddy what are you doing?"
Mommy says, "Oh, Daddy is just parking his car in Mommy's garage, now go and play."
A few minutes later they hear a blood curdling squeal and run to see what was the matter.
Little Johnny is running in circles squealing and little Sally says, "Well little Johnny was trying to park his car in my garage and he couldn't get the back wheels in so I took the scissors and cut them off."
If a kid does not go to sleep during nap time, isn't he resisting a rest?
I would tell a 9/11 joke, but it would probably go up in flames.
Why does that kid have to stay in that orphanage?
He should just go to his mom and dad!
I used to have an imaginary friend who I could talk to, and he could grant me wishes and stuff... and then I stopped going to church.
Where did Susie go after the bomb exploded?
Everywhere.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you going to the movies tonight?
Bf: Do you love me?
Gf: Most of the time.
Bf: Well, it's either yes or no.
Gf:...
Bf: Well, when is it that you don't love me?
Gf: 2:30 to 4:00. Every time when you go to the river an hour, then it takes me a half hour to love you again.
Bf: Why?
Gf: 'Cause you always see that OTHER GIRL.
Bf: MY LOVE! That other girl is my sister!!!
Gf: Ohh...
A wife and husband go to a barn. The husband picks up a goat and says, “Look at this pig I have to sleep with every night.”
The wife says, “Honey, that’s a goat.”
The husband replies with, “I was talking to the goat.”
What college can Stephen Hawking not go to? Spelman University.
"I don't want to go on my at-home history."
- My friend, anon 2019.
Why do orphans hate going in public?
Because there's kids out with their parents.
So there was a school shooting in Florida. Why didn't the shooter just go to Disney?.......sorry, I just work there and I'm trying to get people to come on down.
You're so poor that you die and go to the backrooms.
I had to go to my friend's house.
I went in her basement and I saw taped mouths that are KIDS in the basement... Is my friend OK???
The Cheerio Joke
Let's say you're in high school, and your popularity level was based on what Cheerio you are. So there's Extra-Frosty Cheerios as the most popular kids, the frosted Cheerios were the popular kids, the Regular Cheerios as the typical normal kid, then there's the honey nut Cheerios as the nerds and geeks, and then there's your Cheerio which is the Chocolate Cheerios. Now you want to ask this girl who's an extra frosty, you go up to her and ask her to Homecoming, but she declines.
So after school gets out, you go home and rewind. The next day you wake up feeling like a honey nut Cheerio, so you go up to her again and ask her again, she still says no. So you go home and rewind again and wake up the next morning feeling like a Regular Cheerio. So you go to school and ask her again, she still declines. So you go home and rewind again. The next morning, you wake up feeling like a frosty Cheerio. So you go up to her and ask again, still says no. Then you go home and unwind. The next day you wake up feeling like an extra frosty Cheerio. Feeling doubtful, you go up to her one last time and ask her. She finally says yes.
The next day is Homecoming, and you and your date are on the dance floor, and she wants punch. So she tells you that she's going to go get punch. She goes and gets punch and is back in 30 seconds. You ask her why it was so fast. She replies with; "Oh there wasn't a punch line."
Me: The man sleeped in a $200 bed in His hole life so why dose he need a $2,000 coffin?
My friend: They're cheaper at Costco.
Me: Oh shit, you're going to have "fun" this weekend.