Give Jokes

A man is walking on the deck of a cruise ship, when he sees a woman, without arms and legs, crying. The man says "What's wrong?" The woman says "I've never been hugged before." So, the man gives her a hug and walks away.

The next day, the man sees the woman, on the deck, crying again. The man says "What's wrong, now?" The woman says "I've never been kissed before." So, the man gives her a kiss and walks away.

The next day, the same thing occurs. The man says "Oh, for Christ's sake! What's wrong, this time?!" The woman says "Well, I've never been fucked before." So, the man picks her up, throws her into the ocean, and yells "YOU'RE FUCKED!"

What is the difference between giving money to a prostitute and giving money to a church? You don't get something in return if you give money to a church.

Like this post to give someone you hate bad luck.

What do you not want to do when it comes to giving an emo a job?

Showing them the ropes.

What's it called if you give a kid in a wheelchair a ball? Rocket League.

What do you do when life gives you lemons? Slit your wrist and give a lemon a twist. 🙂💊💉

A cop sees an old woman carrying two large sacks. One of the sacks has a hole and is leaking 20 dollar bills.

The cop asks the woman, "Where did an old lady like you get all of that money?"

She replies, "Well, there's a golf course behind my house and when golfers need to go to the bathroom, they stick their penis through a hole in my fence and pee into my yard. It became a problem because it kills the flowers."

The cop asks, "So what did you do about it?"

The old lady says, "I get my hedge clippers and I wait behind the fence. When a golfer sticks his penis through the fence, I grab ahold of it and shout GIVE ME $20 OR IT COMES CLEAN OFF!"

"That seems fair enough," the cop says, "so what's in the other sack?"

The old lady replies with, "Not everyone pays..."

I seriously don't get why people in Alabama are angered that Mexican immigrants are taking their jobs. I mean, it's not like they are preventing your son from giving you a big, fat blow job.

Why couldn't the Japanese man give a high five?

Because Logan Paul left him hanging.

If you ever become depressed, try drinking a gallon of water before going to sleep... That’ll give you a reason to get up in the morning.

If you watch Jaws backwards, it's a heartwarming story about a shark that gives arms and legs to disabled people.

A teacher asked his students a math question.

"You have one dollar. Your parents give you five dollars. How much money do you have?"

After some thinking, about half the class raised their hands. The teacher called on a little girl in the front.

"One dollar!" she said.

What is the difference between a feminist and a female prostitute? If you want a female prostitute to be a bitch, you have to give her money first.

Why are Republicans supporting giving felons the right to vote?

Because their own personal jeebus is a felon!

What's the definition of trust?

Two cannibals giving each other blowjobs.

An emo girl walks up to a tree to give it a high five... the tree left her hanging.

When you accidentally turn in your suicide note instead of your essay to the teacher, but she still gives you an A.

Doctor: Madam, your husband needs rest and peace, so here are some sleeping pills.

Wife: Doctor, when should I give them to him?

Doctor: They are for you!

The suicide hotline didn't even give me advice on how to kill myself. Not helpful at all.

God creating spiders.

God: "Make it have 8 legs." Angel: "Ok? Bit excessive but ok." God: "And 8 eyes." Angel: "You need to calm down and li-" God: "Give it a butt rope!"