Give Jokes

I got detention for giving a emo kid a happy meal

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

Its the season of giving, So ill be giving up!

Three men are outside Heaven's gates waiting to be go to through Heaven. The angel at the gate tells them "Depending on the length of time and your faithfulness to your last partner decides your way across the bridge to Heaven".

The first guy says "I was with my wife for 5 years and cheated 3 times". The angel gives him an old model pick up, the second guy says "11 years and only once" and is granted a Mercedes.

The last man says "20 years and not once , I loved her with all my heart" and with the angel impressed he gets a gold edition Lamborghini and sets off ahead of the other two men. Hours later the two men catch up to him crying behind the wheel and one says " I know we are dead but it could be much worse".

The guy looks up and says "How! I just went past my wife on a skateboard"

Bully : shut up and give me your money otherwise I will tell everyone that you are still a virgin Boy : haha I am not a virgin anymore Bully : haha nice joke Boy : if you don't believe then ask your sister or brother Bully : hah I don't have any sibling Boy : will just wait for 9 months then u will know

i bet a disabled kid on a wheelchair that if he could catch me ill give him 1000 dollars he said deal and i went upstairs

i hear skeletons like to play the saxaBONE, though i think the tromBONE would be better, but tibia honest, both can be HUMERUS, wouldnt wanna hurt your funny bone, but i think your starting to get BONELY so ill stop pulling your leg. Now get out before i give you a bad time.

Why do vegetarians give good head? Beause they’re used to eating nuts.

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

When a mute girl gives a hand job is it oral?

I was working in a IPhone store in Norwich, when an man came! He said "Give me hat-trick or i will destroy your store!" I said "No" and he started to smash phones! I imidiatelly screamed "Important game" and he disappeared! Shame on you penaldo for ruining my store! 😡😡

What's worse than failed attempted suicide? The pity looks people gives you and people keeps u away from 'dangerous' things

How to kill a blind person. Give them a gun and tell them its a hairdryer.

How do you make an octopus laugh?

You give it ten-tickles.

If you give a gator a GPS, does that make it a navigator?

When you are suicidal comedic relief sometimes helps. These jokes sometimes help you realize how many more people feel the way you do and how ridiculous it sounds sometimes.

But joke time....

I’m giving in my two week resignation to life... it’s not you ... it’s me!!!