Girlfriend jokes
I was in a toxic relationship. After some time, my girlfriend died. Her name was Happy. Still got no clue of her body, and here I am lying on the bed so fucking happy.
your mom
What's the best part of not wearing a condom when I'm with my girlfriend? My mom went through menopause.
"Knock, knock!""Who's there?""Abby."
"Abby who?""Your Mexican girlfriend."
Wanna touch my shirt? It's made of boyfriend/girlfriend/partner material.
Girlfriend: Babe, what do you think of our love?
Me: Look at the stars in the sky.
Girlfriend: Aww... it’s infinity, right?
Me: No, it’s a waste of time.
Girlfriend: I’m breaking up with you.
Me: Whatever, when I take out the trash, I think of you.
Why didn't Michael Jackson have a girlfriend? He's afraid of women.
Why is it inappropriate when guys say their girlfriends are their “Partners in Crime”?
Like we get it, bro, she’s underage.
What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
Wiped his ass.
My girlfriend is like Toys R Us.
She does not exist.
What’s the difference between a girlfriend and a train? The train will touch me.
I asked my girlfriend if she was a smoke alarm. She said, "Is it because I warned him when hotness came?" I said, "No, you don’t shut up!"
My girlfriend's name is Candice.
Can these nuts fit in your mouth? :D
You will never have a girlfriend.
My girlfriend said she's having a horrible time with her period. I ask her which one, but realize she's not talking about school...
We don't see each other very much.
My girlfriend said to me, "Dear, I think you have hit an animal, there's blood and dents all over the bonnet."
I said, "No, love, I'm not waiting for a Black Lives Matter rally."
Always breathing down my neck, my vampire girlfriend does not give me any space.
I bet your hairline goes inside your private part, and your girlfriend can’t even touch it.
A guy gets home from work to see his girlfriend packing, and he asks her why she is packing. The girl says, "Because I found out you're a pedophile." The guy goes, "A pedophile?" And she says, "Yes." The guy goes, "That's a big word for a 12-year-old."
Your butt is bigger than my ex-girlfriend's butt, and I love it!