Girlfriend jokes

Girlfriend: Babe, what do you think of our love?

Me: Look at the stars in the sky.

Girlfriend: Aww... it’s infinity, right?

Me: No, it’s a waste of time.

Girlfriend: I’m breaking up with you.

Me: Whatever, when I take out the trash, I think of you.

What’s the difference between a girlfriend and a train? The train will touch me.

I asked my girlfriend if she was a smoke alarm. She said, "Is it because I warned him when hotness came?" I said, "No, you don’t shut up!"

Why is it inappropriate when guys say their girlfriends are their “Partners in Crime”?

Like we get it, bro, she’s underage.

My girlfriend's name is Candice.

Can these nuts fit in your mouth? :D

You will never have a girlfriend.

My girlfriend said she's having a horrible time with her period. I ask her which one, but realize she's not talking about school...

We don't see each other very much.

Nothing makes a guy happier than when his girlfriend says, “Go and lock the door first...”

My girlfriend who is a Jehovah's Witness had sex with me so hard, she turned to Christianity.

I bet your hairline goes inside your private part, and your girlfriend can’t even touch it.

Your butt is bigger than my ex-girlfriend's butt, and I love it!

My girlfriend said to me, "Dear, I think you have hit an animal, there's blood and dents all over the bonnet."

I said, "No, love, I'm not waiting for a Black Lives Matter rally."

Always breathing down my neck, my vampire girlfriend does not give me any space.

Bully: How’s your girlfriend?

Kid: I don’t have one. How are your parents?

Bully: *cries*

Kid: *Walks out of the orphanage*

A hobo couple is making out under a bridge.

The girlfriend goes: - Johnny, why is your dick so soft? - Flip me over, I’m trying to shit!

What makes Stephen Hawking and your dumped girlfriend similar?

They can't stand up for themselves.

My girlfriend didn't bring me the sandwich, so I brought the gas.

Hey, who thinks Gwen and Aiden are not dating, and who also thinks this dumb girl named "Zre" is being a dummy? And who thinks Gwen belongs with Prince, aka boyfriend?

When you go to your girlfriend's house but accidentally go into her dad's room and fuck him anyway.

I heard my neighbors having sex, and it was annoying me, so I called my girlfriend to ask if she wanted to go out, but when I called her, I heard my neighbors' phone ringing.