Girlfriend jokes

What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?

Wiped his ass.

"Knock, knock!""Who's there?""Abby."

"Abby who?""Your Mexican girlfriend."

Wanna touch my shirt? It's made of boyfriend/girlfriend/partner material.

Girlfriend: Babe, what do you think of our love?

Me: Look at the stars in the sky.

Girlfriend: Aww... it’s infinity, right?

Me: No, it’s a waste of time.

Girlfriend: I’m breaking up with you.

Me: Whatever, when I take out the trash, I think of you.

What’s the difference between a girlfriend and a train? The train will touch me.

I asked my girlfriend if she was a smoke alarm. She said, "Is it because I warned him when hotness came?" I said, "No, you don’t shut up!"

Why is it inappropriate when guys say their girlfriends are their “Partners in Crime”?

Like we get it, bro, she’s underage.

My girlfriend's name is Candice.

Can these nuts fit in your mouth? :D

You will never have a girlfriend.

My girlfriend said she's having a horrible time with her period. I ask her which one, but realize she's not talking about school...

We don't see each other very much.

A guy gets home from work to see his girlfriend packing, and he asks her why she is packing. The girl says, "Because I found out you're a pedophile." The guy goes, "A pedophile?" And she says, "Yes." The guy goes, "That's a big word for a 12-year-old."

Nothing makes a guy happier than when his girlfriend says, “Go and lock the door first...”

My girlfriend who is a Jehovah's Witness had sex with me so hard, she turned to Christianity.

I bet your hairline goes inside your private part, and your girlfriend can’t even touch it.

Your butt is bigger than my ex-girlfriend's butt, and I love it!

My girlfriend said to me, "Dear, I think you have hit an animal, there's blood and dents all over the bonnet."

I said, "No, love, I'm not waiting for a Black Lives Matter rally."

Always breathing down my neck, my vampire girlfriend does not give me any space.

Bully: How’s your girlfriend?

Kid: I don’t have one. How are your parents?

Bully: *cries*

Kid: *Walks out of the orphanage*

A hobo couple is making out under a bridge.

The girlfriend goes: - Johnny, why is your dick so soft? - Flip me over, I’m trying to shit!

What makes Stephen Hawking and your dumped girlfriend similar?

They can't stand up for themselves.