My girlfriend said to me, "Dear, I think you have hit an animal, there's blood and dents all over the bonnet."
I said, "No, love, I'm not waiting for a Black Lives Matter rally."
Always breathing down my neck, my vampire girlfriend does not give me any space.
A hobo couple is making out under a bridge.
The girlfriend goes: - Johnny, why is your dick so soft? - Flip me over, I’m trying to shit!
Bully: How’s your girlfriend?
Kid: I don’t have one. How are your parents?
Bully: *cries*
Kid: *Walks out of the orphanage*
What makes Stephen Hawking and your dumped girlfriend similar?
They can't stand up for themselves.
My girlfriend didn't bring me the sandwich, so I brought the gas.
I bet your hairline goes inside your private part, and your girlfriend can’t even touch it.
Your butt is bigger than my ex-girlfriend's butt, and I love it!
Hey, who thinks Gwen and Aiden are not dating, and who also thinks this dumb girl named "Zre" is being a dummy? And who thinks Gwen belongs with Prince, aka boyfriend?
how old are my girlfriends
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EjBTsoYph48 oh and there my little sisters
My girlfriend who is a Jehovah's Witness had sex with me so hard, she turned to Christianity.
Nothing makes a guy happier than when his girlfriend says, “Go and lock the door first...”
When you go to your girlfriend's house but accidentally go into her dad's room and fuck him anyway.
I heard my neighbors having sex, and it was annoying me, so I called my girlfriend to ask if she wanted to go out, but when I called her, I heard my neighbors' phone ringing.
"When I heard that not arguing or fighting in a relationship represents a lack of interest, that's when my girlfriend started missing her makeup box."
My girlfriend asked me to hand her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.
The only thing colder than Siberia is my girlfriend's ex!
Today sucked. My girlfriend got hit by a car, and I lost my job as an Uber driver.
You are like my girlfriend: imaginary and non-existent.
Katgod, can you get your girlfriend? She's messing with me, and I'm gonna hurt soon.
