Girlfriend jokes

What's the best part of not wearing a condom when I'm with my girlfriend? My mom went through menopause.

Girlfriend: Babe, what do you think of our love?

Me: Look at the stars in the sky.

Girlfriend: Aww... it’s infinity, right?

Me: No, it’s a waste of time.

Girlfriend: I’m breaking up with you.

Me: Whatever, when I take out the trash, I think of you.

Wanna touch my shirt? It's made of boyfriend/girlfriend/partner material.

What’s the difference between a girlfriend and a train? The train will touch me.

I asked my girlfriend if she was a smoke alarm. She said, "Is it because I warned him when hotness came?" I said, "No, you don’t shut up!"

My girlfriend is like Toys R Us.

She does not exist.

What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?

Wiped his ass.

"Knock, knock!""Who's there?""Abby."

"Abby who?""Your Mexican girlfriend."

Why is it inappropriate when guys say their girlfriends are their “Partners in Crime”?

Like we get it, bro, she’s underage.

Why didn't Michael Jackson have a girlfriend? He's afraid of women.

You will never have a girlfriend.

My girlfriend's name is Candice.

Can these nuts fit in your mouth? :D

My girlfriend said she's having a horrible time with her period. I ask her which one, but realize she's not talking about school...

We don't see each other very much.

Bully: How’s your girlfriend?

Kid: I don’t have one. How are your parents?

Bully: *cries*

Kid: *Walks out of the orphanage*

What makes Stephen Hawking and your dumped girlfriend similar?

They can't stand up for themselves.

My girlfriend didn't bring me the sandwich, so I brought the gas.

A guy gets home from work to see his girlfriend packing, and he asks her why she is packing. The girl says, "Because I found out you're a pedophile." The guy goes, "A pedophile?" And she says, "Yes." The guy goes, "That's a big word for a 12-year-old."

Hey, who thinks Gwen and Aiden are not dating, and who also thinks this dumb girl named "Zre" is being a dummy? And who thinks Gwen belongs with Prince, aka boyfriend?

I heard my neighbors having sex, and it was annoying me, so I called my girlfriend to ask if she wanted to go out, but when I called her, I heard my neighbors' phone ringing.

When you go to your girlfriend's house but accidentally go into her dad's room and fuck him anyway.