So, me and my girlfriend that I just got 7 weeks ago, we’re in class, we had this sub named Mrs. Bellatrix. We both raised our hands and she called on both of us. Me: First of all, are we in kindergarten? We can’t be doing 4x4 kinda stuff. Leah: and also are you from Harry Potter?
I asked my new girlfriend how many men she’d had before me. She said not to worry, she could count them all on one hand. Unfortunately, this was when I noticed she’s holding her cell phone with a calculator app open. I took note of her wallet inside a picture of what appeared to be 10 guys I asked and she said that’s my fam as well I noticed an Alabama drivers license I asked where which one was her dad she said that she doesn’t talk to him anymore because he had sex with the boss’s daughter I casually asked what he did for work self employed she said That’s the last time I use ancestry.com
I always win arguments against my handicapped girlfriend she cant stand for her self
I raped a girl and I liked it I hope my girlfriend won't mind it It felt so wrong, it felt so right Don't mean I'm in love tonight
I love breakups, my ex-girlfriends always end up in pieces.
What did Joe say when he saw his girlfriend sleeping with his sister? Nothing, he just started wanking.
What did the boyfriend say to his girlfriend?
wyatt is a guy who still doesn't have a girlfriend because he didnt sit with yanely and jasmine at lunch. funny joke huh
did know that girlfriend at the end it starts with an end so does boyfriend and friend have end at the end of it but family at the end it ily i love you
A boss said to his secretary, "I want to have sex with you, but I will make it very fast.
I'll throw $1,000 on the floor and by the time you bend down to pick it up, I'll be done."
She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend said, "Do it but ask him for $2,000. Then pick up the money so fast, he won't even have enough time to undress himself." She agrees.
After half an hour passes, the boyfriend calls the girlfriend and asks, "So what happened?" She responds, "The ...bastard.....used .....coins"
Girlfriend after sex: how did you get so good at eating pussy? Boyfriend: my mom taught me
Imagine this..ur a lesbian and ur doing it with your cannibal girlfriend. You say "eat me baby"
She pulls out a knife and fork
How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex?
Call and tell her about it.
Me when people ask how old my Girlfriends are: There 2 their 4 their 6 their 8.
I broke up with my emo girlfriend yestreday, look who came crawling back!
What do you call a downy who can't get a girlfriend?
Down Bad
The other day my Girlfriend asked me to hand her, the red lipstick, so I handed her the dog.
so a guy gets a motorcycle with authentic leather seats and the dealer tells him ‘dude the rain will ruin the seats get it under something if it starts raining and worst case scenario put vaseline all over the seats to make it water proof’. so he goes to his girlfriend house that night for dinner and before he goes inside she says ‘listen this is your first time meeting your parents we have a rule, the first one to speak has to do the dishes’. so he walks inside and sees a mountain of dishes over 3 months because no one has spoken and the stench is awful. during dinner he concocted a plan to get someone to speak so he started doing all of this crazy shit to try and get someone to speak. not a peep eventually he grabs his girlfriend bends her over and starts going to town. still nothing the parents are outraged but not speaking because they don’t want to do the dishes. after about a minute of this he walks away and does the same to her mum and starts going to town. now the dad is pissed and just staring him down with daggers. at that moment it starts to rain his motorcycle is out in the rain and grabs the vaseline out of his pack pocket and the dad goes ‘FINE ILL DO THE DISHES’
My girlfriend is incredibly sad since her cat has disappeared. I am quite sure now that I misunderstood something when she asked me to eat her p-ssy - and I am beginning to think that I did not get the "f-ck her doggy" part either
