Girlfriend jokes

You are like my girlfriend: imaginary and non-existent.

What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?

Tell her to slow down and use lubricants.

My friend came over to my house. He asked where my girlfriend was, and I told him she is in the garden.

He said, "That's weird, I didn't see her." I said, "You have to dig a little."

I asked my girlfriend what she wanted to eat, she said nothing. So I brought her to Africa.

My girlfriend left a note on the TV saying, "This isn't working!" I don't know what she's talking about, the TV works perfectly fine.

What's the difference between your new girlfriend and a tornado? At first, there is a lot of blowing, and then your house will be gone.

My girlfriend is so stupid, she asked me if I wanted to shower with her to save money on our water bill, while we were staying at a hotel where we didn't even have to pay the water bill.

You know why Elmer Fudd always came out hunting rabbits in the woods? Because Bugs Bunny would not stop flirting with his girlfriend.

Girlfriend: I just lost 5 pounds!

Me: How many makeup wipes did you need?

I was going to an expensive dinner with my friend's girlfriend because she really wanted to go, but he just got out of surgery, and he said take care of her, so I said, "Will do, bro. I’ll bring her back fuller than a topped-up water bottle."

Me and my girlfriend broke up, so I took her wheelchair, and she came crawling back.

My girlfriend broke up with me, so I took her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?

My girlfriend just broke up with me for talking about video games too much. What a stupid thing to Fallout 4.

When you break up with your online girlfriend, and you hear your uncle crying in the other room.

I have a girlfriend with a big dick.

There were two twin brothers, Lucas and Marcus. Marcus got a girlfriend while Lucas stayed single.

A few weeks later, Lucas was caught kissing Marcus's girlfriend, and Marcus comes over and says: "Babe, I know we're twins, but I'm Marcus, and that's Lucas you were kissing." And his girlfriend looks at him and says: "I know."

Once an orphan got a girlfriend. He regretted it. She left him too.

My girlfriend is like Toys R Us.

She does not exist.

I asked my girlfriend if she was a smoke alarm. She said, "Is it because I warned him when hotness came?" I said, "No, you don’t shut up!"

So one time I was with my girlfriend, crazy, right? But we were doing a TikTok eye follow challenge, and she pulled up a pic of Gwen Stacy from Into the Spider-Verse, and I looked somewhere I shouldn’t have, and she smacked me, and I changed to the Rock, and you know where she looked? WTF, right in the no-no square, and since she was a girl, all I could do was sit back and watch.